Archives

So many feelings

Jul1

With getting my Midnight Rakling finally, I’ve been a little confused on what to do. I technically only have 2 confirmed pets left–one which is still just a giant rumor (which people unfortunately keep circulating :/) while the other…well, Karagga’s Palace only can be done twice a week (once on Nightmare/Hard and once on Normal aka Story). I will probably try and queue up in ground finder later today if our guild doesn’t decide to do it for fun or something. Main worry here is I’d rather not compete with people for it. It’s just been too long and I’m so close.

With the Wonderous/Wondrous Egg, I decided to explore Explosive Conflict some more. However, it can be a bit boring 🙁 Would be a lot more fun if I had someone to explore with, but regardless I will probably explore a bit more tomorrow as I only managed to explore about half way.

But yes, I just wish the rumors could finally end and maybe the egg could be figured out. I really hate false information :/

Also may try and explore Taris again to find nests…. but I just seem to be so bad at doing so ._.

On a different note, Marilea is apparently an actual name and a form of Marilee (and can be pronounced like Marilee or lee-uh at the end instead). It also can mean Star of the Sea in Latin…for names anyway.

…To think, I came up with a name randomly that turned out to be a name afterall. Well, that works I suppose.

NEVER HAVE TO DO LOST ISLAND AGAIN :D

Jun30

Yes. That is what you think it is. I finally got a Midnight Rakling! The tank we were with was kind of iffy (lost aggro a lot, barely listened to questions and seemed confused despite supposedly having done this before–also didn’t bring the final boss in his final phase to the door and now I know why it’s so important to) and despite my really wanting the pet, let me know that he wanted it because a bunch of his guildmates had it 😐

again, seriously, just… if you don’t truly, really, want something and there’s someone there who does, just…don’t roll on it unless they say it’s okay. For example, I’m not a huge mount person so unless I’m told to roll, I usually won’t unless the people who REALLY want it already have theirs. I’d like to collect all the mounts on day because I like collecting but that’s it…with the exception of like…animal mounts. Those are on pet level of want.

Thankfully (and obviously), I did manage to win by over 50 points!:

But yes, finally, a Midnight Rakling is mine:

Which means I only have the M0-GUL Thrall Droid left for pets I KNOW how to get. Obviously, there is still the Wonderous/Wondrous Egg aka Orochick, but it has yet to be proven to come from Explosive Conflict so there really is no confirmation on how to get it–just that it’s in the game. Obviously, that doesn’t mean I’ll give up though…but it’s not like I can do EC anymore than we already are (though, if we start Hard Mode next week, maybe we can do it twice a week for both). Regardless, since the M0-GUL Thrall Droid is the pet I have been missing the longest (2 big patches now!), it really is my priority so if I had to pick a raid… I’d pick Karagga’s Palace/Hutt Hospitality. Not to mention, at least it’s confirmed from that while for all we know, Orochick may not come from Explosive Conflict at all and it may just be a red herring. And of course, while it’s likely the other 4 1.3 pets (2 more Akk Dogs and 2 more Lobels) are in, there still is no proof yet so… but I definitely would like to look into those too.

Anyway, I’m just super excited. So close to being done! And I never have to do Lost Island again! …except, you know, if someone really needs my help.

Rants and Raves, I suppose

Jun24

So, I have a bit to talk about… I guess I’ll start with heading to the Tatooine event. I’m not really much of a PVPer, nor do I care to, so instead, I found somewhere to hide and spectated. Surprisingly, most people didn’t even notice me–I think I was only noticed once and the person kind of just looked at me and then left. Despite just spectating inside somewhere, there was still quite a bit to see. Do kind of wish I could have seen stuff outside as well, however.

No idea why my name was blue and whatnot–same thing happens when I queue for warzones. I’ve reported it and people can still hit me (if they try to) so it’s not like I’m immune–just a weird glitch.

After about an hour, I headed to the fleet for the raid. We finished Karagga Normal and then started HM…unfortunately, lots of issues with Bonethrasher. A few people just…weren’t listening. I also lagged once though and got smacked into the green stuff so bleh. :/ After him though, we did pretty well and got to the enemies before Fabricator. We stopped there as some people needed to sleep soon.

So, I went to check on Gargath and he wasn’t up, so I kind of just signed off shortly after and I don’t think anyone would have helped me with him anyway even if he was up. Not because they’re being rude, but because all week it’s just been so much Gargath that they’re sick of him. Just like KP. I can’t blame them–even I’m kind of sick of them (Though, I do find Fabricator and Karagga fun, but I hate everything before it at this point), but like when I grinded up PVP to 65, I’m determined.

I’m a shy person, I hate asking for help (Part of why I am so upset I can’t do these things alone) as it makes me feel bad, and I also hate giving up. On the flipside, if I get excited about something, I can be quite loud. I can also be abrasive, pushy, stubborn, and can some on a bit strong with my goals.

The thing is, and even when I’m saying what I still need, I’m not trying to ask for favors. I’m not trying to guilt people to help. I am honestly just stating them (thus why I made this to write in). As an example, 90% of my friends can draw really well. I can’t stand how I draw so I often complain about it. And then at least 80% of them ask if I want something drawn and it’s not even what I was trying to imply. I state a lot of things for myself and sometimes, maybe, I just want someone to listen for once.

I guess the best way to explain how I think of things is an old phrase: “It’s more fun planning the party than the actual party is.”

This doesn’t work for me. My favorite part is after the party when we clean up and prepare for whenever another party may happen so as soon as it does happen, everything is ready to go. So, in short, I like to have my lists done. Completely empty. Then work on saving credits and materials and etc. for the next patch so as soon as it comes up, I’m good to go. I have gear, I have credits, I have all the current pets, and I am completely ready to dedicate to this new update. In fact, My OCPD is why I have these blogs because despite the fact I have a very good memory, it helps relieve some stress for me to write it all down.

The thing is, if I still have stuff to do, I can’t do that. I can’t just focus on what is in the update because I still have things to catch up on. Thus, I stress and I practically have an anxiety attack. And the thing that people don’t seem to understand is for every second that I am feeling like I am behind, the more stressed I feel and the more I push. I will not ask for help or freebies–in fact, if you offer, my answer will always be something like “If you want to” or “If you feel like” or “If you’d like to” and similar. I will not ask because I will feel bad and guilty if I do even if you obviously have no issue doing so. If I do receive a sudden mail, expect a bazillion OMGTHANKYOU as I will feel forever in your debt.

I am someone who would put aside everything to finish things. I have everything at that high priority and put my passion into every single thing.

I’m not trying to be annoying. Or use anyone. Or bother people.

But I am trying to make sure I can maybe get myself some actual sleep. And maybe not want to curl into a ball and cry out of stress.

And if I could, I’d try and complete the goals all by myself.

but I can’t.

I can’t either 2.5 million (or 16 million) by Tuesday.

I can’t hit valor 100 by Tuesday. And I’m sure when I try to PVP to get the commendations I need for the other pet (as warzone commendations max at 2K and I need a total of 4K for both) once 1.3 hits, I’m also going to be reminded just how much I suck and what a burden I am to whatever team gets me.

I can’t do Lost Island HM by myself. I can’t do Karagga HM by msyelf. I can’t beat Gargath by myself.

I’m useless.

And I’m sorry if it seems I’m bugging or being a bit too abrasive. I don’t expect you to do things just for me. I don’t expect any of you to do things for me.

but I don’t know what to do anymore.

and honestly, the thing that makes me no longer want to play things most of all (even more than repeating) is feeling like I’ve gotten too far left behind.

and I don’t want that to happen to this game too.

The stress has gotten to the point where I don’t even know if I’ll log in again before 1.3 and if I do, maybe to just find a HM Karagga group that wouldn’t mind just doing Fabricator and Karagga.

but I just feel like I’m done. like there’s nothing else I can do. I feel empty and like a failure and just the biggest pile of useless crud out of all the level 50’s on the entire game.

1.3 this Tuesday (the 26th)

Jun22

So, I am having a heart attack. And of course, now I don’t even have enough money for the Augment Kits because I went and spent some on the top and bottom of the Consular’s Exalted outfit (and pulling mods out) for my PVP set. I still need the rest, but since the top and bottom are most noticeable, those were my focus.

On top of that, my belt still isn’t ready. I still need the armoring and mod so hopefully not everyone will need anything (As I don’t want to take Rakata gear away from someone who needs it just to take the mod out). Not to mention I really pray the Advanced Resolve Armoring 25 drops as I can’t get it otherwise :/ (Yes, you can pull it from mods, but Armoring is bound to the type of equip and I don’t believe you can remove from the belt even if it drops)

We will be trying 16 man tonight–KP HM and normal! I really hope it goes well. This will be my second time doing 16-man (first time was with Vanquished in Denova, though, we didn’t do much).

Anyway, I’m just…beyond stressed. I still have 4 pets to go! I mean, I don’t expect to get the Wondrous Egg with no confirmation yet, but Taunling, M0-GUL Thrall Droid, and Midnight Rakling? And I will only be able to get 2 tries for M0-GUL Thrall Droid before Tuesday 🙁 I’ve been camping Gargath like crazy–heck, we defeated him twice today with no luck, and we will be trying him again tonight after the raid. Lost Island I guess I’ll have to try to do inbetween those 4 hours, but I’m just SO STRESSED. I do not have anywhere close to the money I wanted to have (about 2-2.5 million to go into 1.3 with), still need ship legacy stuff (6 million), have barely done any PVP (at least I have the commendations I needed ready to go)… darn it. T___T I’m so not looking forward to this. And I really wanted to get my PVP outfit done 🙁 or at least all the parts (as I’d wait to remove the mods until after 1.3) but that’s still 300K :/

Though, as long as I can at least get about 300K-400K more (a total of 700K-800K) (however, I’d prefer to get to 2.5 million. Or maybe at least 1.5-2 million), I should be okay with Augment Kits and have some money for supplies/crafting and repairs (which I will also need to pay during this raid and thus, thus my credit amount will become even smaller and I am so stressed T__T) which will hopefully help…. for now, I better go back to slicing :/ I’m going to need those stupid rare things to make that last Augment I need. >< Even if I won't be able to get any of the new Legacy stuff really 🙁 also, if someone asks a question, people shouldn't assume the details and give a snappy/obnoxious response back. I don't know, maybe I just like answering questions, but it always bothers me when people respond so annoyed. :/ I mean, seriously. (and maybe now I feel pretty down/depressed so thanks for the mood killer)

Feeling like a jerk

Jun22

So, currently really hating myself. Not that I ever hold myself high in regard to begin with, but I’ve even lower than usual ATM.

We were raiding tonight and I just screwed everything up. Besides some accidental aggroing, I also jokingly went REVENGE when I ended up winning the Eternity Vault HM Speeder (first time I’ve won an operation speeder…and a hard mode speeder in general)…and then just felt really bad. They’ve wanted it for a long time and I somehow wanted it and now I really hate myself and bleh.

About to try Gargath again, but I just feel really upset and like a total jerk.

edit: failure again.

Mixed day

Jun19

Today has been kind of depressing. I got yelled at in General Chat and implied that I was being a jerk/bragging/gloating when I was just answering a question 🙁 I didn’t mean to–but it’s what they asked… And then I got accused of not healing well at the raid tonight which made me even more depressed.

I mean, I can’t really heal if you’re behind trees and if you’re too far away…pretty sure if you’re greyed out and stuff in my icons are grey when I have you highlighted, it means you are too far away. It wasn’t our usual tank, but I still felt bad. I really feel awful if people think my healing is bad .__. I do the best I can.

Luckily, everyone else was still really nice. Speaking of which, if you are on Corellian Run (whether new or have been there), our guild is currently recruiting! So, if you’re interested… :3

I also got to do a Lost Island Normal Run today! Dear god, considering what you get for Lost Island HM, the gear for Lost Island Normal is surprising at how bad it is :/

Then tonight, I found a Gargath group and he wasn’t up 🙁 Which kind of sucked. I’ve just been waiting here now (though, a few other people who were in the group are waiting too which is very nice of them!)… On the brighter side of things, I made a friend with a Sith Sorcerer who was also looking for Gargath. Thank you Kalezr for the wonderful chat :3 Unfortunately, it does seem Gargath really does only respawn every 4 ours :/ Have been waiting here over 2 hours since we got here and nothing.

Besides that, I’ve updated the Pet Guide a little bit so be sure to check that out and I’m updating some of the (few) pictures on the blog as well. And also thought of an idea which will hopefully get the screenshots over on the sidebar all set up. Hopefully. It’ll be random though…but I think that’s a bit more fun.

Feeling unlucky, Leveling, HK, + Roseria

Jun17

So, my guild being awesome went and finished Karagga’s Palace normal. Unfortunately, still no pet drop. :/ Which sucks. While I know the pets aren’t common, it seems ridiculous how much we’ve run them… this, Lost Island, and killing Gargath and just nothing. It’s just super depressing. And when you see someone come out of their first run with their brand new pet… it hurts .__.

Anyway, I am hoping to get back to leveling Amidaia soon. Especially as apparently HK-51 may need multiple characters (I feel bad for people who really don’t level other characters much like me. It seems I got lucky for this at least) considering hints to having a level 50 character on one faction and at least mid level on another. I don’t know if I’ll want to get HK on anyone besides Marilea, but if I do, probably just Amidaia. I mean, maybe the rest eventually, but not priority at all other than my main on each faction.

For now, I re-made Roseria, my test character, on Corellian Run. I will be making her DPS, but I honestly can’t decide if I should make her a sage or a shadow. I am leaning towards Sage as while Shadows can, well, sneak, I really prefer ranged combat and Shadows are a bit more up close and person. I’ll probably dress her either in Consulars Exalted or Force Evangelist and with a green color crystal.

Week Highlights

Jun10

Despite being away in Florida for work again, I did find some time to pop online while there and try out the game on my laptop. In general, it tends to work a lot better (definitely loads better and I’ve been getting new kinds of lag spikes on my computer which are incredibly annoying), but I definitely need to get used to the controls and bigger screen. As it is, it seems my interface is a bit glitchy on my computer lately as well which is all kinds of annoying.

Moving on, I got to raid with my guild a bit a few days ago. We did Normal EV to get rid of the daily, a complete HM Karagga (But still no Pet drop! At least I finally have all the HM codexes there) and then yesterday a complete run of Normal Explosive Conflict. We (as in the group I am in) may even do HM soon which I’m more than a little nervous about.

EC makes me very nervous. As it is, I almost screwed up the entire raid on the tanks due to:
1. Not realizing they wanted me on the inside of the lightning tank.
2. Not realizing I could run through the actual tank.

Once I realized though (and re-fixed my camera), we did it perfectly fine. But I’m still worried about positioning and stuff with the first boss when it comes to HM after what happened last time.

Also managed to go to Gargath with a random group which was nice… no pet there either but of course now he keeps dropping the Ice Scrabbler Schematic 😐 spite I tell you.

As for the PTS, I’ve done about 5 runs with Group Finder. Have gotten Hammer Station everytime though (using my lower level character as then it doesn’t matter if I get healing or DPS).

PVP also went okay today. Ups and downs but had a really good (and close match) earlier that ended with us winning while we had 2% left in Novare Coast. Was super suspenseful and action packed and just kind of awesome.

I just wish I could get the pets already. With 1.3 so close, I’m feeling more stressed out by the second. On the bright side, I officially have enough for one of the pets when 1.3 comes (and halfway to the other–will need to re-earn 2K normal Warzone commendations essentially). Now if I could just refer a friend who would actually get the game v-v And actually earn a good amount of credits. Out of stims and can’t afford to buy more. Most of my money is going to repairs (Though, usually I won’t have too much more than the Guild Funds I can use. I just sometimes forget to use the Guild Funds), stims, companion gifts, and random oter things. v-v

For now, back to the Test Server.

SWTOR E3 2012

Jun4

If you missed it, check it out here.

SO EXCITED.

So, quick overview of what they said:
New Space Mission: Space Station Assault–definitely looks like a lot more moving around.
New Operation: Terror from Beyond (At least I’ve finished EC on normal?…but god this looks creepy)
New Companion: HK-51 Assassin Droid (Which has been known for a while)
New Level Cap and Combat Abilities. – I wish they stated what the new level cap will be @-@ Thankfully, it won’t really be grinding with the other new stuff.
New Warzone: Ancient Hypergates
New Planet: Makeb (BRONTO-SHIP)
New Race: Cathar
Harder version of Nightmare/Difficulty modes.

So excited for more story!

And this is apparently coming in July?! Dear god x___x oh phew, just the Level 15 thing. Rest will just be sometime this year.

Some interesting tidbits:
While only Cathar and HK-51 were confirmed specifically, they did say races and companions. Same goes with Ancient Hypergates as Warzones also was plural.

Also going to bring up this from Dulfy.

And from the little chat:
1:28 Dr. Ray Muzyka, Co-Founder of BioWare, is now on stage to talk about Star Wars: The Old Republic.
1:28 ”Our goal is to provide a living service that’s always on.”
1:29 The Old Republic will be adding new PvP warzones to the game, along with more challenging group and high-level content, including a new version of Nightmare difficulty mode.
1:30 Group finder, ranked PvP, and character transfers are now available, and level caps have been increased for every class.
1:30 A new planet, Makeb, will introduce new storylines and more. There are also new companion characters and playable species coming soon.
1:31 Looks like one of the new companions is an Assassin Droid! Lots of sneak peeks in this trailer.

Things I’d like to get done before this happens:
1. Get Amidaia to level 50. (Preferably, I’d like to get Aurorra, Cellina, Miisha, and Zoara to level 50 as well, but I won’t have time for that if the date is correct and I don’t think I’ll have the 3 million for Miisha and Zoara anyway)
2. Get all of Amidaia’s companions to 10,000 affection. (Would include others too if I was getting them to level 50, but yeah)
3. Get the pets I still need (M0-GUL Thrall Droid, Midnight Rakling, Taunling, and Wondrous Egg/Orochick).
4. Get the Legacy Ship Unlocks I want T___T
5. Have a good amount of money saved up (and maybe rocket boots too)

I’d love to be more geared as well in preparation for the new Operation, but due to feelings mentioned in the last entry, I don’t know if I’m ready to go for EC some more (and Lost Island and I don’t get along too well either).

Ugh, I’m so excited but now I’m stressing T___T Too much to do!

However, I’ve noticed some people are either annoyed or saying how SWTOR has failed due to the “free to play until level 15” …except it’s been this way for months with the friend trials and free play weekends. And it’s not a bad thing! That lets people try the game and see if they like it. There’s many pay to play games I did not try because I didn’t want to pay to try them. And then when they would finally do a free trial, part of my dislike for the game would be I’d feel too far behind to catch up as I’m a collector. The fact that they are doing this early and giving people a chance to play the first two planets, see their story, and even do their first flashpoint is a great idea and it’s stupid to think that’s “ruining the game”–even if it’s going to be more opened.

Feeling like a failure

Jun3

Last night, I was invited to fill in for a healer during our guild’s Hard Mode run of Explosive Conflict as their healer wasn’t on. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, I failed miserably. I can’t explain why because I don’t know. My heals were as good as their other healer, but it seemed like no matter what I did, it was for nothing.

I don’t know if it was me or maybe one of the other people they brought in, but in the end, when their other healer got on, I was replaced–which I would’ve been fine with if I wasn’t whispered saying how they wanted to replace me because they were sick of wiping…ignoring that most of those wipes weren’t my fault whatsoever. (And some of the few that were were due to new HM mechanics during the fight that they didn’t go over).

Regardless, I suppose I’m second-guessing my healing again. And once again, feeling more than a bit useless with some of the 1.2 changes.

I was dragged on some PVP stuff which went okay–though, I felt like an idiot when I realized I forgot to put my PVP stuff back on… not to mention there’s a lot of cheaters lately which is kind of depressing.

Blah, I just wish I was better 🙁