Archives

So many feelings

Jul1

With getting my Midnight Rakling finally, I’ve been a little confused on what to do. I technically only have 2 confirmed pets left–one which is still just a giant rumor (which people unfortunately keep circulating :/) while the other…well, Karagga’s Palace only can be done twice a week (once on Nightmare/Hard and once on Normal aka Story). I will probably try and queue up in ground finder later today if our guild doesn’t decide to do it for fun or something. Main worry here is I’d rather not compete with people for it. It’s just been too long and I’m so close.

With the Wonderous/Wondrous Egg, I decided to explore Explosive Conflict some more. However, it can be a bit boring 🙁 Would be a lot more fun if I had someone to explore with, but regardless I will probably explore a bit more tomorrow as I only managed to explore about half way.

But yes, I just wish the rumors could finally end and maybe the egg could be figured out. I really hate false information :/

Also may try and explore Taris again to find nests…. but I just seem to be so bad at doing so ._.

On a different note, Marilea is apparently an actual name and a form of Marilee (and can be pronounced like Marilee or lee-uh at the end instead). It also can mean Star of the Sea in Latin…for names anyway.

…To think, I came up with a name randomly that turned out to be a name afterall. Well, that works I suppose.

Rants and Raves, I suppose

Jun24

So, I have a bit to talk about… I guess I’ll start with heading to the Tatooine event. I’m not really much of a PVPer, nor do I care to, so instead, I found somewhere to hide and spectated. Surprisingly, most people didn’t even notice me–I think I was only noticed once and the person kind of just looked at me and then left. Despite just spectating inside somewhere, there was still quite a bit to see. Do kind of wish I could have seen stuff outside as well, however.

No idea why my name was blue and whatnot–same thing happens when I queue for warzones. I’ve reported it and people can still hit me (if they try to) so it’s not like I’m immune–just a weird glitch.

After about an hour, I headed to the fleet for the raid. We finished Karagga Normal and then started HM…unfortunately, lots of issues with Bonethrasher. A few people just…weren’t listening. I also lagged once though and got smacked into the green stuff so bleh. :/ After him though, we did pretty well and got to the enemies before Fabricator. We stopped there as some people needed to sleep soon.

So, I went to check on Gargath and he wasn’t up, so I kind of just signed off shortly after and I don’t think anyone would have helped me with him anyway even if he was up. Not because they’re being rude, but because all week it’s just been so much Gargath that they’re sick of him. Just like KP. I can’t blame them–even I’m kind of sick of them (Though, I do find Fabricator and Karagga fun, but I hate everything before it at this point), but like when I grinded up PVP to 65, I’m determined.

I’m a shy person, I hate asking for help (Part of why I am so upset I can’t do these things alone) as it makes me feel bad, and I also hate giving up. On the flipside, if I get excited about something, I can be quite loud. I can also be abrasive, pushy, stubborn, and can some on a bit strong with my goals.

The thing is, and even when I’m saying what I still need, I’m not trying to ask for favors. I’m not trying to guilt people to help. I am honestly just stating them (thus why I made this to write in). As an example, 90% of my friends can draw really well. I can’t stand how I draw so I often complain about it. And then at least 80% of them ask if I want something drawn and it’s not even what I was trying to imply. I state a lot of things for myself and sometimes, maybe, I just want someone to listen for once.

I guess the best way to explain how I think of things is an old phrase: “It’s more fun planning the party than the actual party is.”

This doesn’t work for me. My favorite part is after the party when we clean up and prepare for whenever another party may happen so as soon as it does happen, everything is ready to go. So, in short, I like to have my lists done. Completely empty. Then work on saving credits and materials and etc. for the next patch so as soon as it comes up, I’m good to go. I have gear, I have credits, I have all the current pets, and I am completely ready to dedicate to this new update. In fact, My OCPD is why I have these blogs because despite the fact I have a very good memory, it helps relieve some stress for me to write it all down.

The thing is, if I still have stuff to do, I can’t do that. I can’t just focus on what is in the update because I still have things to catch up on. Thus, I stress and I practically have an anxiety attack. And the thing that people don’t seem to understand is for every second that I am feeling like I am behind, the more stressed I feel and the more I push. I will not ask for help or freebies–in fact, if you offer, my answer will always be something like “If you want to” or “If you feel like” or “If you’d like to” and similar. I will not ask because I will feel bad and guilty if I do even if you obviously have no issue doing so. If I do receive a sudden mail, expect a bazillion OMGTHANKYOU as I will feel forever in your debt.

I am someone who would put aside everything to finish things. I have everything at that high priority and put my passion into every single thing.

I’m not trying to be annoying. Or use anyone. Or bother people.

But I am trying to make sure I can maybe get myself some actual sleep. And maybe not want to curl into a ball and cry out of stress.

And if I could, I’d try and complete the goals all by myself.

but I can’t.

I can’t either 2.5 million (or 16 million) by Tuesday.

I can’t hit valor 100 by Tuesday. And I’m sure when I try to PVP to get the commendations I need for the other pet (as warzone commendations max at 2K and I need a total of 4K for both) once 1.3 hits, I’m also going to be reminded just how much I suck and what a burden I am to whatever team gets me.

I can’t do Lost Island HM by myself. I can’t do Karagga HM by msyelf. I can’t beat Gargath by myself.

I’m useless.

And I’m sorry if it seems I’m bugging or being a bit too abrasive. I don’t expect you to do things just for me. I don’t expect any of you to do things for me.

but I don’t know what to do anymore.

and honestly, the thing that makes me no longer want to play things most of all (even more than repeating) is feeling like I’ve gotten too far left behind.

and I don’t want that to happen to this game too.

The stress has gotten to the point where I don’t even know if I’ll log in again before 1.3 and if I do, maybe to just find a HM Karagga group that wouldn’t mind just doing Fabricator and Karagga.

but I just feel like I’m done. like there’s nothing else I can do. I feel empty and like a failure and just the biggest pile of useless crud out of all the level 50’s on the entire game.

1.3 this Tuesday (the 26th)

Jun22

So, I am having a heart attack. And of course, now I don’t even have enough money for the Augment Kits because I went and spent some on the top and bottom of the Consular’s Exalted outfit (and pulling mods out) for my PVP set. I still need the rest, but since the top and bottom are most noticeable, those were my focus.

On top of that, my belt still isn’t ready. I still need the armoring and mod so hopefully not everyone will need anything (As I don’t want to take Rakata gear away from someone who needs it just to take the mod out). Not to mention I really pray the Advanced Resolve Armoring 25 drops as I can’t get it otherwise :/ (Yes, you can pull it from mods, but Armoring is bound to the type of equip and I don’t believe you can remove from the belt even if it drops)

We will be trying 16 man tonight–KP HM and normal! I really hope it goes well. This will be my second time doing 16-man (first time was with Vanquished in Denova, though, we didn’t do much).

Anyway, I’m just…beyond stressed. I still have 4 pets to go! I mean, I don’t expect to get the Wondrous Egg with no confirmation yet, but Taunling, M0-GUL Thrall Droid, and Midnight Rakling? And I will only be able to get 2 tries for M0-GUL Thrall Droid before Tuesday 🙁 I’ve been camping Gargath like crazy–heck, we defeated him twice today with no luck, and we will be trying him again tonight after the raid. Lost Island I guess I’ll have to try to do inbetween those 4 hours, but I’m just SO STRESSED. I do not have anywhere close to the money I wanted to have (about 2-2.5 million to go into 1.3 with), still need ship legacy stuff (6 million), have barely done any PVP (at least I have the commendations I needed ready to go)… darn it. T___T I’m so not looking forward to this. And I really wanted to get my PVP outfit done 🙁 or at least all the parts (as I’d wait to remove the mods until after 1.3) but that’s still 300K :/

Though, as long as I can at least get about 300K-400K more (a total of 700K-800K) (however, I’d prefer to get to 2.5 million. Or maybe at least 1.5-2 million), I should be okay with Augment Kits and have some money for supplies/crafting and repairs (which I will also need to pay during this raid and thus, thus my credit amount will become even smaller and I am so stressed T__T) which will hopefully help…. for now, I better go back to slicing :/ I’m going to need those stupid rare things to make that last Augment I need. >< Even if I won't be able to get any of the new Legacy stuff really 🙁 also, if someone asks a question, people shouldn't assume the details and give a snappy/obnoxious response back. I don't know, maybe I just like answering questions, but it always bothers me when people respond so annoyed. :/ I mean, seriously. (and maybe now I feel pretty down/depressed so thanks for the mood killer)

Feeling unlucky, Leveling, HK, + Roseria

Jun17

So, my guild being awesome went and finished Karagga’s Palace normal. Unfortunately, still no pet drop. :/ Which sucks. While I know the pets aren’t common, it seems ridiculous how much we’ve run them… this, Lost Island, and killing Gargath and just nothing. It’s just super depressing. And when you see someone come out of their first run with their brand new pet… it hurts .__.

Anyway, I am hoping to get back to leveling Amidaia soon. Especially as apparently HK-51 may need multiple characters (I feel bad for people who really don’t level other characters much like me. It seems I got lucky for this at least) considering hints to having a level 50 character on one faction and at least mid level on another. I don’t know if I’ll want to get HK on anyone besides Marilea, but if I do, probably just Amidaia. I mean, maybe the rest eventually, but not priority at all other than my main on each faction.

For now, I re-made Roseria, my test character, on Corellian Run. I will be making her DPS, but I honestly can’t decide if I should make her a sage or a shadow. I am leaning towards Sage as while Shadows can, well, sneak, I really prefer ranged combat and Shadows are a bit more up close and person. I’ll probably dress her either in Consulars Exalted or Force Evangelist and with a green color crystal.

Week Highlights

Jun10

Despite being away in Florida for work again, I did find some time to pop online while there and try out the game on my laptop. In general, it tends to work a lot better (definitely loads better and I’ve been getting new kinds of lag spikes on my computer which are incredibly annoying), but I definitely need to get used to the controls and bigger screen. As it is, it seems my interface is a bit glitchy on my computer lately as well which is all kinds of annoying.

Moving on, I got to raid with my guild a bit a few days ago. We did Normal EV to get rid of the daily, a complete HM Karagga (But still no Pet drop! At least I finally have all the HM codexes there) and then yesterday a complete run of Normal Explosive Conflict. We (as in the group I am in) may even do HM soon which I’m more than a little nervous about.

EC makes me very nervous. As it is, I almost screwed up the entire raid on the tanks due to:
1. Not realizing they wanted me on the inside of the lightning tank.
2. Not realizing I could run through the actual tank.

Once I realized though (and re-fixed my camera), we did it perfectly fine. But I’m still worried about positioning and stuff with the first boss when it comes to HM after what happened last time.

Also managed to go to Gargath with a random group which was nice… no pet there either but of course now he keeps dropping the Ice Scrabbler Schematic 😐 spite I tell you.

As for the PTS, I’ve done about 5 runs with Group Finder. Have gotten Hammer Station everytime though (using my lower level character as then it doesn’t matter if I get healing or DPS).

PVP also went okay today. Ups and downs but had a really good (and close match) earlier that ended with us winning while we had 2% left in Novare Coast. Was super suspenseful and action packed and just kind of awesome.

I just wish I could get the pets already. With 1.3 so close, I’m feeling more stressed out by the second. On the bright side, I officially have enough for one of the pets when 1.3 comes (and halfway to the other–will need to re-earn 2K normal Warzone commendations essentially). Now if I could just refer a friend who would actually get the game v-v And actually earn a good amount of credits. Out of stims and can’t afford to buy more. Most of my money is going to repairs (Though, usually I won’t have too much more than the Guild Funds I can use. I just sometimes forget to use the Guild Funds), stims, companion gifts, and random oter things. v-v

For now, back to the Test Server.

Random Chat

Jun1

First of all, there is going to be a SWTOR Encylopedia which I am looking forward to as I’d love to see more about the story. It’s too bad it won’t be out until much later in the year.

Besides that, 1.3 will be up on the test server too and you can sign up to have your character copied over to help test it out. I ended up signing up as I’d love to check things out.

Now, onto actual ingame things:
–Amidaia is currently level 41. We have just a little left on Quesh and then will either be heading to Hoth or Alderaan (the bonus series there). We also finally caught up on flash points and will possibly do The Foundry before heading back over to Quesh.
–Operation progress continues on Marilea. We did a more or less perfect run through of Explosive Conflict on Tuesday so we did Eternity Vault and Karagga’s Palace Hard Mode today. We did get through EV, but ended up getting stuck at Karagga for KP due to a few odd happenings. We’ll hopefully try again sometime before Tuesday.
–Amidaia’s Cybertech is over 300 so 2/3 speeders have been made so far. Yay.
–I’m still super poor. Not really getting any closer to saving up for anything.
–Still no luck on drop pets either or news on Wondrous Egg 🙁

But yes, it’s nice to at least be getting some stuff done. Now if I just had 7.5-10.5+ million credits and the last several pets I need, maybe I’d stop stressing so much.

Feeling Wanted + Updates

May11

It’s been a lot of fun with our new guild. Mar-gon got to completely do Explosive Conflict this week and I got to help with the final boss last night. I got my Rakata hat and he received his Rakata mainhand.

I also have been brought along on a few Hard Modes to try and get my vehicle achievements done. Coming from where it had always been the same group or very self-focused, it’s nice to see this and be offered slots in PVP queues and asked if I want to fill in and it’s just so different. They also don’t mind trying to call someone else in for a raid that isn’t in the guild. They prefer it over canceling because it’s not fair to the others. And all the gear is shared and they don’t care who needs it as long as they can use it and it’s just so nice.

We even got to do Karagga’s Palace (still no pet though 🙁 ) and Esseles HM today!

It makes me all excited~ And we’re even making a guild on the Imperial side now too 😀

Also, we now have a screenshot showing on the sidebar 🙂 It will eventually be the most recent screencap I took and you can click the name to see all screencaps on a Tumblr blog. Will also help make sure images show up over here too eventually <3

Raids with New guild!

Apr29

So, yesterday we did Karagga’s Palace Normal (Sadly, no pet drop! There was also no mount drop but I don’t care as much about that) and today we did Eternity Vault Normal and Hard Mode! 😀 I was my first time finishing EV Hard Mode and we got Soa down in one shot (despite him enraging at 20% and losing our tanks twice)! Robot at the beginning is definitely the hardest.

I even received a new Codex entry since it was my first time killing Soa on HM 😀 And if that wasn’t enough, I got the Rakata Bottoms, Rakata Offhand, AND Rakata Gloves! Woo! I just need the Rakata Hat and Mainhand and then I have everything Rakata…ignoring that it’s not the top tier anymore but that excites me muchly.

Unfortunately, I’m incredibly poor ATM as my boyfriend and I put our money together for a Advanced Magenta Schematic (The +41 version!) and then the little I had left was used for ripping mods out (how much they cost slipped my mind again… As it is, I still have 1 left which is about 38K to remove) and repairs (I still have about 22K left in repairs). So I’m down to 10K which really sucks :/

But yay for new gear and hopefully a pink crystal soon! We also need more Corusca Gems though…

To Rakghoul or not to Rakghoul: That is the question

Apr21

At this point, we have gotten everything we’ve wanted (Well, my boyfriend is thinking of collecting the other companion skins for the heck of it) and finished the containment officer outfit, so we’re wondering if we should even still continue? Main reason we’re even debating it is there may be something special at the end, but I really hope they don’t do that. We were hoping to maybe grind up our Imperial alts until we found out that the dailies are essentially…literally dailies. You have to do them each day for the new quests to pop up and with the event ending Tuesday (And I actually have to leave on a trip next week so I will be packing Sunday and Monday), there’s not enough time to do it which is kind of depressing as I know he really wanted the Imperial Containment Suit too (and it’s unfortunately bind on pick-up).

With those out of the way and with Taunlet now gotten, however, that brings us back to just needing groups for the other pets which is a pain to get together and then a lot of them will probably want the pet too and fsl;afkafl;asf;lafs X__x I don’t mind helping people get their pets. I have no issue going back after getting mine and helping them out, but with my horrible drop luck and OCPD, I just like getting them out of the way ASAP. It helps me relax a lot more and then I’m not panicking every 20 10 5 seconds always. At the moment, I’m just sitting by Karagga’s as I haven’t been there in a while and when it comes down to it, I really like doing things in order so if I chose how to get pets, it’d be:

1. Karagga’s Palace – Due to being pre-1.2
2. Taunling – Gargath – World Boss = before Hard Modes
3. Midnight Rakling & Mysterious Egg – HM Lost Island (newest Flashpoint)
4. Wondrous Egg – Still unconfirmed, but supposedly from Explosive Conflict (New operation)

So yeah, I like to take care of them in foremost and then if they came out at the same time…by difficulty since that’s essentially the order I would get them in while leveling up.

In the meantime, my computer is having a mental break down 😀 And I really need a new computer (and a new laptop as well because apparently the overheating issue is actually a manufacturer error and it could explode :3) which doesn’t help things either.

Besides continuing on my Pet Quest (and keeping the Tauntaun and Rakling/Other unmmentioned 1.2 pets threads updated on the official forums), I’m also continuing to save for Legacy Ship stuff–as for how it’s going, I have about 560K because I really really really suck at this 😀

Plans are still as follows:
1. Repair Droid – 1 million
2. Neutral GTN – 5 million
3. Mailbox – 500K
4. Both Dummies – 1 million

After that, I’ll probably either go for the Rocket Boots (2 million) or the Twi’lek race (1.5 million) so I get the other colors and can finally remake my Smuggler. I know my boyfriend also wants me to get the Zabrak Race I want to get for my Trooper (1.5 million as well), but if I do my Twi’lek first (most likely–I expect Trooper/Commando will be last for me out of all my characters), I’ll probably go for the rocket boots next. As for character playing, I expect it to be:
1. Sage (My main)
2. Sorcerer (Main Imperial)
3. Smuggler (Scoundrel) or Imperial Agent (Operative)
4. Whichever I don’t do above first
5. Bounty Hunter (Mercenary)
6. Trooper (Commando)

Also, since I’ve been asked why my blogs rarely ever have pictures… I usually type these on my laptop while I’m playing the game on my computer. If I had two screens on my computer, there’d probably be more pictures but since whenever I take a screenshot, it is on my computer and I can’t really minimize the game, it’s just a huge hassle. I’d love to have pictures, but just can’t ATM 🙁

Oh, and I’m probably going to edit the categories a bit today and make things a bit more orderly. (OCPD, away~)