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Dreams, Stress, and Rumors

So, I had a dream I had suddenly been given 100 million credits, had gotten 2400 Ranked Warzone Rating, 100 Valor, 999 Daily Commendations, and max ranked and normal warzone commendations. Ignoring that this obviously means I’ve been playing SWTOR a bit too much, I was having a field day completing all of my goals. Getting my gear fixed up, getting all the mounts, getting a few Warzone stuff (including the Relic I need), and being able to get various Legacy stuff along with finally having all my alts good and ready to go.

I was just ecstatic and knew that now I could save for any future stuff they came out with… and then I woke up.

I’m a very all or nothing person. Similarly, I’m also very indecisive and stress easily. This is why I group things together and it’s not one or two things, but the whole group. All the mounts. All the ship legacy stuff. It isn’t 500K for this thing then 1 million for that–it’s 7.5 million for it all.

While I have a good memory, I’m a person who likes to get things done so I don’t have to worry about it.

Unfortunately, I was stupid and decided to take a risk and start working on my gear only for me to now start freaking the heck out. Why? Because not all my gear has been changed at once. I’m essentially having a nervous break-down having just spent most of my money (which was also stupid and I already regret it) on an enhancement due to it being 200K cheaper than usual–not to mention taking things out (in case this was all a mistake) and getting an Augment Slot on a new implant.

This is one of those things where I essentially would be okay if I had a mass amount of credits and just told someone to take care of it for me because I completely freak out. I do not like change. In fact, my boyfriend had to do the diplomacy missions to dark side because going to dark side to get the pet and speeder made me ridiculously uncomfortable. So changing parts of my gear is just really getting to me. And I’m not sure what to do.

From the wonderfully confusing topic I made, so far it seems I should do this:
1. Get War Hero Relic
2. Get Magenta +41 Power Crystal (About 350K right now on the market)
3. Get 4 Advanced Aptitude Mods (25 or 26.) – 400K-750K each
4. Get 4 Advanced Mettle Mods (25 or 26) – 400K-500K each
5. Get an Advanced Adept Enhancement 24 (About 250K)
6. Get another Black Hole Implant

Depending on how that goes, I’ll either be:
Switching around enhancements more (Will probably need several Quick Savant (500K))
and/or switching around Augments.

And I just…can’t afford that. In total, that is at least 4,300,000. And I just… I don’t know what to do. I’d probably need closer to 5 million due to pulling things out and having to add new Augment slots to some stuff. At the same time, I already started the process and I can’t exactly reverse it. So now I’m stuck and freaking out and just…upset and stressed and I really wish I knew what to do. (this is also part of why I want the races for alts already–it bothers me knowing two characters are not ready to go yet)

Moving on to rumors as I continue stressing completely, if the event is this week, the chances are it’ll be today–possibly within amount the next 10 minutes or the next 70 minutes. I guess we’ll see. Part of me wants it to, but on the otherhand, I haven’t done Karagga (Story or Hard mode) yet so if it does, I don’t think I’ll be getting a group this week…

…so stressed. .__. if you have some piles of credits sitting around and happen to be on Corellian Run, please think of donating to the Save Marilea from a Panic attack fund. She’ll pay you back eventually.

Getting Gear Help

Having been the only sage (and possibly healer) at my gear level that can’t seem to get off a 6K heal, I finally gave in and asked for help. I have never been good at gearing and the last MMO I really got this far in automatically had items leveled with stats and costumes would go over it so there was no pulling things out and mixing and matching.

To my surprise (and gratitude), I woke up with a response this morning. And from what it sounds like… I have a lot to do.

I have to:
1. Essentially replace any with a letter after them to the non-letter version.
2. Get more Black Hole Armorings (not surprising there though)
3. Change up another Crit + Alacrity Enhancement for Crit/Power and Surge.
4. Possibly change my relic

I honestly don’t know if I’ll be able to afford all these changes though. I’m going to work really hard, but I just feel like a failure. So much for only focusing on whatever gives the most willpower πŸ™

Edit: And now people keep telling me different things and I’m more confused

1.3 Beginning Progress

Unfortunately, my mood hasn’t changed much since my last entry. In fact, I probably feel worse after a few more mails and some messages that I’d rather not go into.

In the meantime, I’ve been doing my best to PVP so I can get Lobelisk. I did get Lawgriffarl already though (afterall, I saved ahead. Stupid normal warzone commendation limit):

I’ve also been working on Augment Kits. Unfortunately, I’m out of supplies right now so I can’t make more stuff to Reverse Engineer at the moment πŸ™ need more Damind Crystals especially. As expected though, criting on a Kit gives you 2 which is nice. Also bought all 3 ranks of the Field Repair/Vendor Droid and Field Mailbox, so I just need the Respec one which I’ll want just for the heck of it so while a priority, it’s much lower. (I would say current highest legacy priority is the GTN on ship still. Followed by Dummies.)

At the moment, I have Augmented (and will update this as I go):
PVE Chest Piece
PVE Bottom
PVE Gloves
PVE Boots
PVE Hat
Lightsaber
Bracers
Belt
Matrix Cube
Relic
PVE Offhand
Ear Piece
Implant
Other Implant
PVP Top
PVP Bottoms
PVP Hat

I still have to:
All done!

And then eventually:
PVP Gloves (still need to buy)
PVP Boots (Still need to buy)
PVP Off-hand

I will probably use Group Finder for Lost Island for the rest of the day after…but right now I just feel sad. And tired. :/ Didn’t sleep well at all.

Edit: Got Lobelisk!:

Also, so happy this works again:

And received my 2 Test Server titles πŸ™‚

In which Math stresses me more

So, I haven’t done too much today. I checked Gargath twice–down both times :/ Just…not in the mood ATM. We did Lost Island…no pet drop. I got the mod I need so I just need the Advanced Resolve Armoring 25.

Anyway, since my boyfriend is in charge of getting me Power Crystals and things, I decided to figure out just how much stuff I need to make all the Augment Kits. It takes 10 of an item to get the 10 Augment Kit parts I need for each Augment Kit I need and I need to do them at level 47 at the lowest I can for the Level 6 Augment Kit parts.

I need about 20 Augment Kits (14 of them being priority–the other 6 = for PVP). That is, at 30K per Augment Kit attaching, 600K. (420K for 14)

Of course, pricing doesn’t stop there. The following is what is needed to make those 200 items I will have to make for those kits.

Each item I can make will take:
2 Zeyd-cloth (which cost 250 each)
4 Alien Artifact Fragments (Grade 5 Artifact Fragment)
6 Damind Crystal (Grade 5 Power Crystal)

So, for 200, that’s 400 Zeyd-cloth, 800 Alien Artifact Fragments, and 1,200 Damind Crystal. To get those 400 Zeyd-clothing, that is 100K. And my boyfriend has the painful experience to try to get that many of the other 2 things (of course, I could try to buy them…but we’re already at 700K and I don’t even have 600K). Of course, if we just do 14, that’s only 140 items which lessens it to 560 Alien Artifact Fragments, 840 Damind Crystal, and 280 Zeyd-cloth (which would cost 70K…so the cost would be 510K total just for priority).

Then, of course, there’s the price for actually constructing the Augment Kits as the 30K is just for attaching them.
10 x Augmentation Slot Component MK-6
2 x Subelectronic Data Module
2 x Primeval Artifact Fragment (Level 6 Artifact Fragment)
2 x Upari Crystal (Level 6 Power Crystal)
2 x Cortosis Substrate
^What you need (unless changed…but let’s hope not. Rather not re-do it all)

So, that’s a total of:
140-200 Augmentation Slot Component MK-6
280-400 Subelectronic Data Modules
280-400 Primeval Artifact Fragment
280-400 Upari Crystal
280-400 Cortosis Substrate (which costs 400 each so that’s a total of 112,000-160,000)

…yeah. I’ll have to work on more Slicing missions to get the Subelectronic Data Modules, though, I at least have enough for the priority amount (I have 300 total right now). …but I’m nowhere close on anything else.

So, in total, that’s 622K-860K for 14-20 Augment Kits. And that doesn’t even put into effect the cost for Artifact Fragments and Power Crystals.

…which I guess points out how I can’t even do that right .___. This also means my 2.5 million goal may be a bit too small and I may actually have to go for 3 million or so πŸ™

Rants and Raves, I suppose

So, I have a bit to talk about… I guess I’ll start with heading to the Tatooine event. I’m not really much of a PVPer, nor do I care to, so instead, I found somewhere to hide and spectated. Surprisingly, most people didn’t even notice me–I think I was only noticed once and the person kind of just looked at me and then left. Despite just spectating inside somewhere, there was still quite a bit to see. Do kind of wish I could have seen stuff outside as well, however.

No idea why my name was blue and whatnot–same thing happens when I queue for warzones. I’ve reported it and people can still hit me (if they try to) so it’s not like I’m immune–just a weird glitch.

After about an hour, I headed to the fleet for the raid. We finished Karagga Normal and then started HM…unfortunately, lots of issues with Bonethrasher. A few people just…weren’t listening. I also lagged once though and got smacked into the green stuff so bleh. :/ After him though, we did pretty well and got to the enemies before Fabricator. We stopped there as some people needed to sleep soon.

So, I went to check on Gargath and he wasn’t up, so I kind of just signed off shortly after and I don’t think anyone would have helped me with him anyway even if he was up. Not because they’re being rude, but because all week it’s just been so much Gargath that they’re sick of him. Just like KP. I can’t blame them–even I’m kind of sick of them (Though, I do find Fabricator and Karagga fun, but I hate everything before it at this point), but like when I grinded up PVP to 65, I’m determined.

I’m a shy person, I hate asking for help (Part of why I am so upset I can’t do these things alone) as it makes me feel bad, and I also hate giving up. On the flipside, if I get excited about something, I can be quite loud. I can also be abrasive, pushy, stubborn, and can some on a bit strong with my goals.

The thing is, and even when I’m saying what I still need, I’m not trying to ask for favors. I’m not trying to guilt people to help. I am honestly just stating them (thus why I made this to write in). As an example, 90% of my friends can draw really well. I can’t stand how I draw so I often complain about it. And then at least 80% of them ask if I want something drawn and it’s not even what I was trying to imply. I state a lot of things for myself and sometimes, maybe, I just want someone to listen for once.

I guess the best way to explain how I think of things is an old phrase: “It’s more fun planning the party than the actual party is.”

This doesn’t work for me. My favorite part is after the party when we clean up and prepare for whenever another party may happen so as soon as it does happen, everything is ready to go. So, in short, I like to have my lists done. Completely empty. Then work on saving credits and materials and etc. for the next patch so as soon as it comes up, I’m good to go. I have gear, I have credits, I have all the current pets, and I am completely ready to dedicate to this new update. In fact, My OCPD is why I have these blogs because despite the fact I have a very good memory, it helps relieve some stress for me to write it all down.

The thing is, if I still have stuff to do, I can’t do that. I can’t just focus on what is in the update because I still have things to catch up on. Thus, I stress and I practically have an anxiety attack. And the thing that people don’t seem to understand is for every second that I am feeling like I am behind, the more stressed I feel and the more I push. I will not ask for help or freebies–in fact, if you offer, my answer will always be something like “If you want to” or “If you feel like” or “If you’d like to” and similar. I will not ask because I will feel bad and guilty if I do even if you obviously have no issue doing so. If I do receive a sudden mail, expect a bazillion OMGTHANKYOU as I will feel forever in your debt.

I am someone who would put aside everything to finish things. I have everything at that high priority and put my passion into every single thing.

I’m not trying to be annoying. Or use anyone. Or bother people.

But I am trying to make sure I can maybe get myself some actual sleep. And maybe not want to curl into a ball and cry out of stress.

And if I could, I’d try and complete the goals all by myself.

but I can’t.

I can’t either 2.5 million (or 16 million) by Tuesday.

I can’t hit valor 100 by Tuesday. And I’m sure when I try to PVP to get the commendations I need for the other pet (as warzone commendations max at 2K and I need a total of 4K for both) once 1.3 hits, I’m also going to be reminded just how much I suck and what a burden I am to whatever team gets me.

I can’t do Lost Island HM by myself. I can’t do Karagga HM by msyelf. I can’t beat Gargath by myself.

I’m useless.

And I’m sorry if it seems I’m bugging or being a bit too abrasive. I don’t expect you to do things just for me. I don’t expect any of you to do things for me.

but I don’t know what to do anymore.

and honestly, the thing that makes me no longer want to play things most of all (even more than repeating) is feeling like I’ve gotten too far left behind.

and I don’t want that to happen to this game too.

The stress has gotten to the point where I don’t even know if I’ll log in again before 1.3 and if I do, maybe to just find a HM Karagga group that wouldn’t mind just doing Fabricator and Karagga.

but I just feel like I’m done. like there’s nothing else I can do. I feel empty and like a failure and just the biggest pile of useless crud out of all the level 50’s on the entire game.

1.3 this Tuesday (the 26th)

So, I am having a heart attack. And of course, now I don’t even have enough money for the Augment Kits because I went and spent some on the top and bottom of the Consular’s Exalted outfit (and pulling mods out) for my PVP set. I still need the rest, but since the top and bottom are most noticeable, those were my focus.

On top of that, my belt still isn’t ready. I still need the armoring and mod so hopefully not everyone will need anything (As I don’t want to take Rakata gear away from someone who needs it just to take the mod out). Not to mention I really pray the Advanced Resolve Armoring 25 drops as I can’t get it otherwise :/ (Yes, you can pull it from mods, but Armoring is bound to the type of equip and I don’t believe you can remove from the belt even if it drops)

We will be trying 16 man tonight–KP HM and normal! I really hope it goes well. This will be my second time doing 16-man (first time was with Vanquished in Denova, though, we didn’t do much).

Anyway, I’m just…beyond stressed. I still have 4 pets to go! I mean, I don’t expect to get the Wondrous Egg with no confirmation yet, but Taunling, M0-GUL Thrall Droid, and Midnight Rakling? And I will only be able to get 2 tries for M0-GUL Thrall Droid before Tuesday πŸ™ I’ve been camping Gargath like crazy–heck, we defeated him twice today with no luck, and we will be trying him again tonight after the raid. Lost Island I guess I’ll have to try to do inbetween those 4 hours, but I’m just SO STRESSED. I do not have anywhere close to the money I wanted to have (about 2-2.5 million to go into 1.3 with), still need ship legacy stuff (6 million), have barely done any PVP (at least I have the commendations I needed ready to go)… darn it. T___T I’m so not looking forward to this. And I really wanted to get my PVP outfit done πŸ™ or at least all the parts (as I’d wait to remove the mods until after 1.3) but that’s still 300K :/

Though, as long as I can at least get about 300K-400K more (a total of 700K-800K) (however, I’d prefer to get to 2.5 million. Or maybe at least 1.5-2 million), I should be okay with Augment Kits and have some money for supplies/crafting and repairs (which I will also need to pay during this raid and thus, thus my credit amount will become even smaller and I am so stressed T__T) which will hopefully help…. for now, I better go back to slicing :/ I’m going to need those stupid rare things to make that last Augment I need. >< Even if I won't be able to get any of the new Legacy stuff really πŸ™ also, if someone asks a question, people shouldn't assume the details and give a snappy/obnoxious response back. I don't know, maybe I just like answering questions, but it always bothers me when people respond so annoyed. :/ I mean, seriously. (and maybe now I feel pretty down/depressed so thanks for the mood killer)

Credits and things

For those people who are for some reason reading this, the downtime was due to my domain hosting server whatever the terms really are doing a hardware upgrade to the server my site happens to be on. There’s…really not much else to say about it.

Anyway, I recently hit 1 million credits. It has been a long time since I’ve had that amount and I probably still wouldn’t if it wasn’t for the fact that I was told I could buy the Tionese Sentinel off-hand (Mercy) for all those ridiculous piles of Tionese Crystals and Tionese Commendations I happened to have. Each one sells for about 13K and I had a ridiculous amount of them so yeah πŸ˜›

I’m not really sure what to do with the money yet. I don’t want to just spend it (I feel saving would be better right now), but it’d be nice to get some stuff out of the way too. If I had to pick what I’d like to do, it’d probably be getting, at the very least, the Legacy Top and Bottom I want and putting the PVP mods in them so I can stop feeling like I look like a hobo. Of course, even just the top and bottom are 400K and removing mods would be about 200K more. Not to mention mods will be much cheaper to remove in 1.3 so it seems better to wait for now.

Besides that, anything else I’d really like to buy is much more expensive or not available until 1.3 (Like the almost 500K 600K (They increased the price to 30K per highest Augment kit) I’d need for Augment Kits…not to mention to do slicing missions). Only other thing I may be close to affording is the Twi’lek Race for my Smuggler. I would prefer to play the Smuggler over the Agent when I finish my Sorcerer–not because I prefer one over the other, but I think it’d be better for me to go back and forth than to continously play the same faction. As it is, after Marilea and Amidaia, any further characters will be a lot harder to play due to repetition aka why I can’t do dailies. *continues to try and slice for money*

I’ve calculated the total for everything I’d want (and some credits to feel “safe” money-wise) would be about 16 million total. That sucks. I mean, I know people who have that much (or several million at the least), but it’s still a lot. On the bright side, I can finally make purple augments of Advanced Might 22 and Advanced Resolve 22! Yay! Now if I could just get lucky with the Advanced Neural Augmentor items I need (4 per augment). I also still need to make 2 more for myself to have enough.

Moving on, it turns out I need to try and get my surge back up a bit. Unfortunately, it looks like I don’t have the enhancements I thought I did πŸ™ I do have plenty of Columni Commendations, but I’d rather not remove mods right now because they are so pricey x-x Hopefully I won’t have to replace too many of my Crit and Alacrity ones though. Should just try and get to like 72% or so Surge-wise however. Speaking of Enhancements, I still need a Advanced Resolve Mod 25. Have not seen one drop recently (of course), but did find one on the GTN for 750K. Obviously, I didn’t buy it as that was ridiculous. However, when I looked later, it was gone :/ I don’t know if someone bought it or if they removed it, but bleh. I also still need an Advanced Mettle Mod 25A, but that can only be gotten from removing from Rakata Gear and I have not been very lucky to get some at the moment (not that I’d want to take away from someone who needs it of course!).

But yes, overall, I’m stressing, need to save up credits and essentially want to do the following:
1. Stalk and defeat Gargath repeatedly until I have Taunling.
2. Do Lost Island repeatedly until Midnight Rakling drops (Possibly just resetting after robot guy as it seems to drop off Robot or the final boss the most…even if I hate the Robot)
3. Do Karagga twice a week as I can’t do it more than that πŸ™
4. While waiting for above, PVP constantly to hit Valor 100.

Yes, that last one is rather strange, isn’t it? Well, since the PVP pets are valor level 70, I can’t help but feel paranoid and just want to hit 100 ASAP.

…however, I’d really like to manage to get out of the hobo robes before I do so.

In a different note, and to end this off, I think this sounds awesome and I’d like the guild I am in to participate, but I’m not really sure how to bring it up. While I don’t care much for Open World PVP (which seems to be the first event), I think the idea of Server Events could be a lot of fun and I hope maybe it’ll be looked into.

…and despite all the people, finding a group for Gargath is really hard. Even bribing gets no responses ._.

Making Plans

So, I will admit, I really like this outfit–almost as much as the Elegant Outfit. I’ve been wanting to use it in some way for a long time, but haven’t been able to think of one. It finally hit me though–I wanted to change into something else for my PVP Gear. I had been thinking of doing another Elegant Outfit, but realized how confusing that could be and I really do not care much for the look of the PVP clothing, so why not use the Consular’s Exalted? (Which means I’ll probably put Roseria in the Force Evangelist outfit like I originally planned)

…of course, it’s incredibly expensive. While I do not plan to get all of it, the parts I do want are as follows:
Consular’s Exalted Headgear – 250,000 (though, honestly, I really don’t care what headgear I get as it’s hidden so I may either just keep the PVP Headgear or get another circlet, though different then the one I am using for my main outfit)
Consular’s Exalted Robe – 250,000
Consular’s Exalted Gloves – 150,000
Consular’s Exalted Lower Robes – 200,000
Consular’s Exalted Boots – 150,000
So… 750K to a million (probably 750K–will most likely just get another circlet)

Not to mention I’d probably want to get Augments so that’s… 5 more Augment Kits (125K) and 5 more Advanced Resolve Augment 22.

…and cost of removing mods and enhancements and stuff… *cries*

Battle of Ilum, The Foundry, Population, Valor Worries + more

So, quite a bit to talk about :3 Shall go in order~

Battle of Ilum:
Finally got to do Battle of Ilum HM! My boyfriend and I went with two of our guildmates πŸ™‚ And we even did the bonus boss! It went really well and I had fun. We’re hopefully going to do False Emperor tomorrow and then I’ll have my Aratech Ice <3 What was really fun is we got to go through the Secret Tunnel πŸ™‚ It is an old thing left during development/Beta when they wanted to put some Datacrons in Flash Points. It has a bunch of the crates you can break to get further along with the Bonus Boss and a Security Chest! It's in the giant crystal cave area :3 Just look for a tiny cove on the map with a few enemies and then look carefully for a tiny opening that turns into a path and it is so cool. The Foundry: Found some time to pop on Amidaia today and took care of the Foundry for the first time. We finally hit a flashpoint we couldn't do with just two companions, but luckily were able to find someone who was going to do it with us πŸ™‚ I have taken Amidaia back to Quesh so hopefully maybe we can get some leveling in. Population: SO MANY PEOPLE. We had 300-400+ people on the Republic Fleet during Prime time and about 500 on the Imperial Fleet! PVPers were in their glory and everyone seemed to be getting along, though, I did see some rude people. I'm hoping to maybe see people looking for groups for Gargath as I'm pretty shy :/ I have seen lots of KP groups though so if our guild doesn't have time to during the week, at least I should be able to go to one! I just hope to see people asking for Gargath. However, due to experiences, I think I'm really too shy to join someone's Looking for group for Lost Island. It just is...a flash point that makes me really nervous and I know a lot of people really have no respect for mistakes and I'd rather not cry for feeling like a failure. Especially as I hate giving up. Wish I could find someone to do Lost Island normal already though. But yes, was nice seeing so many people--even if we were full at one point and had to wait like 20 minutes to get in πŸ˜› Valor Worries: Guild said that due to other games, there was a chance with Ranked Warzones that Valor would be removed eventually. At the moment, I am valor level 73. I still have 27 levels to go to max out valor for all the titles. That's... a lot, especially at this high and the idea is just stressing me out completely. Moving on to other subjects: Our Guild has a new GM as the old one feels they will be too busy. I do know the new GM better than the old one so it's not too much of a change--most people are also in that boat. I actually got promoted to Officer though which was a nice surprise! Right now, they're trying to figure out recruiting along with what to do with Raid Groups. They are thinking of making our Raid Group the first one (we are #2) at the moment and vice versa--I kind of hope they do that as I really like the group I raid with. Besides that, I re-maxed Slicing πŸ™‚ And am continuing to try and use that to earn some money. Hopefully I'll have a good amount of credits soon. Edit: And speaking of awesome guildmates, I received a special gift when I got up this morning: 10

Making myself poor as I continue to stress myself out

So, due to a conversation with another guildmate of mine, I have been thinking a lot about gear. There are no orange ear pieces or implants, but there are orange belts and bracers. And when it comes down to it, I’d like to add augment kits to items I will permanently have–especially as the last thing I am is made of money.

Thus, I began my search for an orange belt and bracers before realizing that the new Legacy vendors sold some. Which I then bought before I remembered how overpriced the prices were.

From there, many wrong mods and things were pulled out by accident.

And with that, any little bit of money I still had left was gone. πŸ™ I suck at this so badly. I think I’ll go sulk in a corner now. I really wish I kept a few extra Advanced Resolve Armoring 25 and Advanced Mettle Mod 25A at the moment πŸ™