Archives

It’s just a game vs. Serious Business

Jul13

I really hate the term Serious Business–mostly because it’s become a giant joke. In this case, I actually mean it as it says.

If you haven’t noticed, I’m a very serious person. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I get emotional about everything, and I take everything personal. It’s how I am–the phrase “it’s just a game” or “it’s supposed to just be for fun” doesn’t really exist for me because of how I was raised.

Similarly, I was also taught anything you care about should be important so everything is always high priority for me which also means I get incredibly passionate with it. It is something I enjoy and I put my all in. Just because the way I put my all in is not the way you agree with doesn’t mean I do not.

Like I get a lot of crud about not doing dailies. I’m glad you can do those mundane tasks for money, but I can’t and if you’re going to imply that I’m pathetic or lazy because of that, be happy glares can’t, at the very least, seriously injure.

If I do not agree with something, I can’t pretend to care or force myself to do it because I hate it. It ruins things for me. Even in typing class, I didn’t type the proper way because I could type even faster with 2 fingers (though, now I can type both ways). I also will always try to play things with the arrow keys–WASD can go back to the toilet. And more often than not, if I do push myself to do it, I’ll end up getting really depressed or not being able to stand it. Like it could be a game I adore and if I am doing something I really hate in it, I may never play the game again. That is just how severe it effects me. There has only been one circumstance where I have ever been able to stand it–however, that is 1 out of many other examples like my Pokemon Blue and Harvest Moon: Save the Homeland game files being saved over by idiots. I was never able to play those again because I couldn’t push myself to replay everything I had accomplished.

So yes, dailies are the best way to earn money. No, I’m not going to do them because then I won’t play in the first place and then having so much money means nothing.

And no, I can “complain” all I want. Just stating things to keep track =/= complaining, for the record. It’s why this blog exists. Because I like typing out my thoughts and need to get them off my chest so I don’t stress and have an anxiety attack. But fine, I’ll just stop talking, I suppose–afterall, you only care about how much you can earn and acting like you’re better than everyone else.

I already have to deal with it so much. “God, drawing this is a pain.” “Do you want me to draw it for you?/Was that a request?/etc.” NO. I can state things without asking for something. stop it. just stop. I don’t need your pity and just let me talk without thinking I’m begging or trying to guilt you into something because I’m not.

Part of why I have been mentioning the mods so much is it’s driving me crazy having half my gear done and half not. I don’t know what to do. I can’t play around with the Enhancements too much until I change the mods since I need to know what my Crit and Surge will be at. Similarly, I need to see how they will be after I switch the Implant (considering the Relic I’m switching to just adds Power instead of so much Endurance, that’s not really an issue). As it is, even considering doing the Flash Point Dailies for Black Hole Commendations is just making me want to log off.

I’m probably going to be a mess next week since I’m being forced to put my mods and stuff into stupid Rakata/Columni/Tionese which will make me incredibly uncomfortable and I know it won’t do anything. I already know what the problem is. And we got so close last week, I’m sure we’ll do better this Tuesday. And of course, they will say it’s because of the new armor when it’s not–it’s just natural improvement and actually yelling (okay, I’ll still have trouble with this part) at the tanks to move a little closer or further back or whatever so I don’t die.

But I’m not going to blow it on purpose to show it’s worse. I’d feel horrendously guilty as I know everyone will be giving their all and so will I. Not to mention that gear-wise, it’ll be the same as what I am wearing now just with the set bonus. However, switching mods and stuff out of what I plan on keeping for something temporary truly bothers me. Especially as I’m going to have to still switch them back. It’s just stupid and frustrating and it sucks.

And you know what’s really sad? The people who more often say “it’s just a game” or “it should be fun” are the same people who will tell you off and throw you off a cliff to rot saying you’re not good enough. You don’t have what you need. You’re not talented enough to be here.

You suck.

You’re replaceable.

So despite how serious I am, apparently I am not serious enough for at least trying to play my way and enjoy the game. Yippee.

I like helping but…

Jul12

…if I don’t know you, asking me constantly to help you with your story quests after I just helped show you how to get a pet is kind of rude? And sort of creepy?

just…don’t do that. I don’t mind helping someone with the occasional quest but being begged/constantly messaged to help someone with their Heroics because doing them with a Level 50 is easier is just really awkward and iffy.

Small Rant

Jul6

If you are one of the few people who has or is able to do something, that does not mean you’re entitled to be a complete jerk and sell it overpriced and/or charge people money to begin with for information or to help someone out or something that was free to begin with.

Your time is honestly not that precious–especially when you weren’t going out of the way to do something. You CHOSE to do it for YOURSELF to be a complete butt to others. Congratulations.

Rock Climbing in Denova and Pet Peeve

Jul2

So, I decided to fully explore Denova some more and at this point… I just think if it’s anything, it’s unfortunately a drop. I tried to take some screenshots, but for whatever reason, the button just wouldn’t screenshot anything. I’ve tried switching it to a different button before with no luck so it’s just some weird game issue.

Regardless, we climbed up lots of neat rocks, climbed on Kephess’ force field, and found out Denova is flat (it’s roundness is a lie). It was a lot of fun, at the very least. I do kind of wish the egg-nest-operation thing was true however, as not only would that be a lot of fun, it would’ve made my day to find and just have one pet left.

Continuing on, that brings me to a personal Pet Peeve of mine: Rumors.

If you don’t know something, just say so. Or if it’s a theory, MENTION THAT WITH WHAT YOU WRITE. It’s frustrating when people make things up as it gets people’s hopes up and can even become trolling. But what’s worse is when people just take it without any proof or details and things and put it up all over as if it’s true. Rumors are bad enough by themselves, but it’s even worse when people help spread them. Would just be nice if people would actually do the research once in a while.

Ranked Warzones

Jul2

I will be honest in the fact that I really don’t understand or know much about ranked Warzones. I do know they are essentially Warzones for 8 people put up against another 8. However, the “ranking” doesn’t seem to work too well yet as a lot of people who have yet to be ranked are being put up against teams that are ranked already and pretty high too which means you won’t really start out with anything good…which already sucks.

Having looked through some stats, you’d probably have to win quite a bit. As in like over 50-100 times and your losses would have to be pretty low. And eventually, no matter what, you will get paired against the good teams (unless you try to look them up ahead of time) and get completely obliterated. And even if you do get that high by luck of getting teams worse than you, there will always eventually be new people actually good at PVP who will also kick your butt.

Now, I’m very big on fairness. I hate exclusivity unless there is another way for someone to be able to get it. And it finally dawned on me that one of the speeders (while I mentioned they aren’t priority, I do still want them all eventually) requires 2200 Ranked Warzone Rating. I believe the highest is 2400 and that’s 2200 is what you need for the Rated stuff. So I have no clue how I’m going to get that, if ever. Not to mention that means those who are that high will continue to slaughter you with their fancy new gear.

And I’m essentially stressing as:
1. If they’re doing that with the speeder, then what? What happens if pets are also done like that? and I’m essentially freaking out.
2. They get reset every season. While this has it’s pros (not to mention, you could quickly try to get your ranked up early on), that also increases the chance of just general craziness when it does reset. Especially as Season 1 is supposed to start some of the official rankings which…I just hope, if they do prizes for that, it’s just recognition and/or credits. Because special pets or mounts for the highest in PVP will make me cry.

The thing is, people PVP because they enjoy it. Similarly, people PVE because they enjoy it. Forcing someone do one or the other really sucks. I wasn’t too fond of the giant Bantha world boss in the PVP zone because of how crazy it was, though, it was still fun, but I’d be lying if I said I wanted to have that happen again anytime soon.

I personally find Expertise a stupid stat. I know why it exists, but I still think, if they really did the whole “YOU CAN LEVEL YOUR WAY”, that it seems silly to force people to do the other to get gear for something else. And since there’s codexes and things to collect involved, if you do want to collect them all, you will have to suffer through both. And I believe I mentioned before how I wish PVP could have no kills and just stuns/push backs and solely focus on Objectives. I get that people would be all “IT’S NOT FAIR AS PVPERS CAN GET THEIR GEAR FASTER” but if they prefer to PVP, would they really be doing much PVE? Similarly

or at the very least, make it tradeable/sellable. Honestly, the amount of stuff bound in this game can be infuriating. I have seen many people roll on things accidentally and try to give them to the other person as have I seen people who have gotten the pet and/or mount drops and do not care for it and/or everyone already has it or etc. and do not want it in any case whatsoever.

And I’m still stuck with 3 Sorveigns in the bank.

But yes, I’m paranoid and stressing out and while I think Ranked Warzones are a great addition for people who really want more competition in their warzones, I wish there weren’t so many special things tied to it. I mean, they could’ve even just made the gear orange rather than having increased stats for those same people to further annihilate you. And if you’re a person who enjoys PVP, you’d want to do the Ranked anyway probably. I just don’t like feeling forced to. For now, I just need to try and stop thinking about it…but that speeder is going to haunt me :/

On the bright side, at least I finally got a Advanced Resolve Armoring 25. …now I just need to upgrade everything to 26. 🙁

(oh, and btw, asking if a Sage is a Tank is really silly 🙁 you can see what class someone is!)

Mixed feelings

Jun26

Despite happiness earlier, it kind of went a little messy as the day went on to the point where now I feel more sad than anything.

Ignoring a whole issue with timing (Laying down taking longer and then not long after, being dragged off to go out to dinner), apparently when I signed off (due to not having slept in over 24 hours and still feeling ill from the previous day), it disconnected me. So, I was waited for…despite me saying I was going to go for a bit as I wasn’t feeling well and figured laying down a little could help–plus, more tanks would be on later and I would be back later.

I had been with someone who I made friends with and a new guildmate of ours at the time after various incidents.

Afterall, it started with one of our guildmates asking me about Lost Island HM knowing I was planning to do it after I got Taunling as much as I could. I was excited and said yes. We found two people to do it (after like 2 hours) with–a tank who hadn’t done it before and one of their guild mates for the other DPS. Obviously, if it’s your first try in Lost Island, there will be quite a few deaths. It’s not surprising at all and it can be a huge pain. However, we were all understandable. It was slow, but we continued through. When we got to the Robot, one of our DPS had to go after a few tries. Not long after, my guildmate disconnected. We waited…and waited…and after about 40 minutes, we realized we couldn’t keep waiting as our Tank was only able to play in early hours and he wouldn’t be able to stay too much longer. We ended up asking another one of my guildmates (and it was his first time in the FP as well) to come and they were happy to and after waiting a little longer, had to kick the other guildmate. After recruiting another DPS, it didn’t go too well (After all, the Robot Boss is harder with melee and 2 of the people in the FP were new to this), however, they couldn’t stay long either. Thankfully, a friend of mine was on who was willing to come.

So, after several tries, we get the Robot down, I learned we could skip the Rhino boss and we got to the lava-smashy-light on fire boss. Unfortunately, our guild member seemed to have some trouble figuring out exactly where to stand so he was pushed off a few times. Besides that, some people sticking too close together caused a bit too much damage. Eventually, our tank had to go and so I said it may be better to try and do it later (unfortunately, Lost Island did reset which sucks–I wish I knew what caused it to or how long it takes to reset a flashpoint) as we might be able to ask some of our guilds’ tanks to come and more people will be on so I could get some rest and we could take a small break. And this leads us to what I said to start. Because it disconnected me, apparently they waited and so I got back to an angry message in my inbox with just made me feel like utter crud for something out of my control and despite the fact that I was saying I’d be gone for a bit. I did respond explaining, but considering they signed on and no reply, I guess they didn’t care 🙁

I also, once again, tried to see if anyone was selling Advanced Resolve Armoring 25 (as I need this at least to wear my new belt) or Advanced Resolve Armoring 26 (as I will need at least 6 of these to get my gear up–I already have one in my top). I got a response from someone letting me know they were making some of the Armoring 26 and that they’d be putting them up on the market tomorrow. Ignoring my personal feelings on the fact that I find those prices ridiculous (even if that’s apparently the going price), I responded truthfully that I never had 3 million in my entire time playing the game. I received a response back that pretty much said “that sucks” and they signed off before I could say anything else.

For the record, the most I ever had in this game is a little over 2 million and only once. I’m usually lucky if I have over 500K or over 1 million, but anything more is practically a miracle. …and apparently, that’s quite pitiful ._.

In a happier note, while I managed to get nothing else done, I did at least get those final 10 daily commendations and bought my Campaign Relic of Ephemeral Mending.

And in a confusing note, apparently there is an Imperial Character (who is also a healer) on Canderous Ordo named Marilea in a guild called DeathStarz. So much for my name being unique. So, I guess I should mention that I only play on Corellian Run. I do not have any characters on any other servers (with the exception of Marilea and Roseria also being on the Test Server) so…yeah. If I do make characters on a different server, I will be sure to add them to the Character Page. …and if you are that person who also picked the name Marilea, I guess I’m curious how you came up with it? Or something? I don’t know. I can’t even think of words to explain my feelings about this ATM. @-@ And since my boyfriend had to point it out, thank god we were a destination server. I have to wonder what would happen if they tried to transfer to the test server though. :/

For now, I’ll just get my computer and laptop to start patching and head to bed so I can play 1.3 ASAP (hopefully I will wake up early).

Rants and Raves, I suppose

Jun24

So, I have a bit to talk about… I guess I’ll start with heading to the Tatooine event. I’m not really much of a PVPer, nor do I care to, so instead, I found somewhere to hide and spectated. Surprisingly, most people didn’t even notice me–I think I was only noticed once and the person kind of just looked at me and then left. Despite just spectating inside somewhere, there was still quite a bit to see. Do kind of wish I could have seen stuff outside as well, however.

No idea why my name was blue and whatnot–same thing happens when I queue for warzones. I’ve reported it and people can still hit me (if they try to) so it’s not like I’m immune–just a weird glitch.

After about an hour, I headed to the fleet for the raid. We finished Karagga Normal and then started HM…unfortunately, lots of issues with Bonethrasher. A few people just…weren’t listening. I also lagged once though and got smacked into the green stuff so bleh. :/ After him though, we did pretty well and got to the enemies before Fabricator. We stopped there as some people needed to sleep soon.

So, I went to check on Gargath and he wasn’t up, so I kind of just signed off shortly after and I don’t think anyone would have helped me with him anyway even if he was up. Not because they’re being rude, but because all week it’s just been so much Gargath that they’re sick of him. Just like KP. I can’t blame them–even I’m kind of sick of them (Though, I do find Fabricator and Karagga fun, but I hate everything before it at this point), but like when I grinded up PVP to 65, I’m determined.

I’m a shy person, I hate asking for help (Part of why I am so upset I can’t do these things alone) as it makes me feel bad, and I also hate giving up. On the flipside, if I get excited about something, I can be quite loud. I can also be abrasive, pushy, stubborn, and can some on a bit strong with my goals.

The thing is, and even when I’m saying what I still need, I’m not trying to ask for favors. I’m not trying to guilt people to help. I am honestly just stating them (thus why I made this to write in). As an example, 90% of my friends can draw really well. I can’t stand how I draw so I often complain about it. And then at least 80% of them ask if I want something drawn and it’s not even what I was trying to imply. I state a lot of things for myself and sometimes, maybe, I just want someone to listen for once.

I guess the best way to explain how I think of things is an old phrase: “It’s more fun planning the party than the actual party is.”

This doesn’t work for me. My favorite part is after the party when we clean up and prepare for whenever another party may happen so as soon as it does happen, everything is ready to go. So, in short, I like to have my lists done. Completely empty. Then work on saving credits and materials and etc. for the next patch so as soon as it comes up, I’m good to go. I have gear, I have credits, I have all the current pets, and I am completely ready to dedicate to this new update. In fact, My OCPD is why I have these blogs because despite the fact I have a very good memory, it helps relieve some stress for me to write it all down.

The thing is, if I still have stuff to do, I can’t do that. I can’t just focus on what is in the update because I still have things to catch up on. Thus, I stress and I practically have an anxiety attack. And the thing that people don’t seem to understand is for every second that I am feeling like I am behind, the more stressed I feel and the more I push. I will not ask for help or freebies–in fact, if you offer, my answer will always be something like “If you want to” or “If you feel like” or “If you’d like to” and similar. I will not ask because I will feel bad and guilty if I do even if you obviously have no issue doing so. If I do receive a sudden mail, expect a bazillion OMGTHANKYOU as I will feel forever in your debt.

I am someone who would put aside everything to finish things. I have everything at that high priority and put my passion into every single thing.

I’m not trying to be annoying. Or use anyone. Or bother people.

But I am trying to make sure I can maybe get myself some actual sleep. And maybe not want to curl into a ball and cry out of stress.

And if I could, I’d try and complete the goals all by myself.

but I can’t.

I can’t either 2.5 million (or 16 million) by Tuesday.

I can’t hit valor 100 by Tuesday. And I’m sure when I try to PVP to get the commendations I need for the other pet (as warzone commendations max at 2K and I need a total of 4K for both) once 1.3 hits, I’m also going to be reminded just how much I suck and what a burden I am to whatever team gets me.

I can’t do Lost Island HM by myself. I can’t do Karagga HM by msyelf. I can’t beat Gargath by myself.

I’m useless.

And I’m sorry if it seems I’m bugging or being a bit too abrasive. I don’t expect you to do things just for me. I don’t expect any of you to do things for me.

but I don’t know what to do anymore.

and honestly, the thing that makes me no longer want to play things most of all (even more than repeating) is feeling like I’ve gotten too far left behind.

and I don’t want that to happen to this game too.

The stress has gotten to the point where I don’t even know if I’ll log in again before 1.3 and if I do, maybe to just find a HM Karagga group that wouldn’t mind just doing Fabricator and Karagga.

but I just feel like I’m done. like there’s nothing else I can do. I feel empty and like a failure and just the biggest pile of useless crud out of all the level 50’s on the entire game.

16-man failure :(

Jun22

We all tried really hard, but Fabricator was better I suppose. It was a lot of fun and we’ll probably try to finish this weekend, but I am a bit disappointed. But it is pretty late :/ Regardless, I jut feel sad. Wish I could’ve helped more or something.

But because how long it took, we didn’t get to try HM either which means I’m no closer to my gear goal. Similarly, the credit amount I need hasn’t changed either. 🙁 (and if anything, I came out with less stims v-v)

When we finished, I headed over to Hoth ASAP, but it looks like someone already killed Gargath 🙁 Since he should’ve spawned about 11, it means he won’t be back up until 3AM at the earliest (Anywhere between 3 and 4 really as I arrived about an hour late). I just feel…really unlucky today.

I may PVP I guess, but that will just end up making me more sad. However, I don’t have the energy to try and do Lost Island either.

Gonna go to Tatooine and pull people up on the Sandcrawler I guess…might cheer me up a bit.

Edit: So, 2 people actually gave me money and thus, I made 45K while pulling people up. Yay. Besides that, Gargath spawned at about 3:30AM (so 20 minutes before I got to Hoth)…unfortunately, we couldn’t find a tank who could handle it 🙁 so we ended up just giving up… hopefully we can catch him later.

1.3 this Tuesday (the 26th)

Jun22

So, I am having a heart attack. And of course, now I don’t even have enough money for the Augment Kits because I went and spent some on the top and bottom of the Consular’s Exalted outfit (and pulling mods out) for my PVP set. I still need the rest, but since the top and bottom are most noticeable, those were my focus.

On top of that, my belt still isn’t ready. I still need the armoring and mod so hopefully not everyone will need anything (As I don’t want to take Rakata gear away from someone who needs it just to take the mod out). Not to mention I really pray the Advanced Resolve Armoring 25 drops as I can’t get it otherwise :/ (Yes, you can pull it from mods, but Armoring is bound to the type of equip and I don’t believe you can remove from the belt even if it drops)

We will be trying 16 man tonight–KP HM and normal! I really hope it goes well. This will be my second time doing 16-man (first time was with Vanquished in Denova, though, we didn’t do much).

Anyway, I’m just…beyond stressed. I still have 4 pets to go! I mean, I don’t expect to get the Wondrous Egg with no confirmation yet, but Taunling, M0-GUL Thrall Droid, and Midnight Rakling? And I will only be able to get 2 tries for M0-GUL Thrall Droid before Tuesday 🙁 I’ve been camping Gargath like crazy–heck, we defeated him twice today with no luck, and we will be trying him again tonight after the raid. Lost Island I guess I’ll have to try to do inbetween those 4 hours, but I’m just SO STRESSED. I do not have anywhere close to the money I wanted to have (about 2-2.5 million to go into 1.3 with), still need ship legacy stuff (6 million), have barely done any PVP (at least I have the commendations I needed ready to go)… darn it. T___T I’m so not looking forward to this. And I really wanted to get my PVP outfit done 🙁 or at least all the parts (as I’d wait to remove the mods until after 1.3) but that’s still 300K :/

Though, as long as I can at least get about 300K-400K more (a total of 700K-800K) (however, I’d prefer to get to 2.5 million. Or maybe at least 1.5-2 million), I should be okay with Augment Kits and have some money for supplies/crafting and repairs (which I will also need to pay during this raid and thus, thus my credit amount will become even smaller and I am so stressed T__T) which will hopefully help…. for now, I better go back to slicing :/ I’m going to need those stupid rare things to make that last Augment I need. >< Even if I won't be able to get any of the new Legacy stuff really 🙁 also, if someone asks a question, people shouldn't assume the details and give a snappy/obnoxious response back. I don't know, maybe I just like answering questions, but it always bothers me when people respond so annoyed. :/ I mean, seriously. (and maybe now I feel pretty down/depressed so thanks for the mood killer)

Server Transfers

Jun14

Well, server transfers have been going on recently. People have been excited about their new servers and switching and things.

…and to be honest, I’m not.

I didn’t expect them to do the servers like they are. So, while I originally was sure that Corellian Run–one of the most balanced and a nicely populated server (and the server I happen to be on!) would definitely be a Destination Server. But now? I’m not so sure. And that terrifies me.

Our server is definitely not the best populated. But it has a nice population. Enough to take care of things and get places. And yet, small enough that so many of us know each other. Enough that we can talk in General chat and get a good amount of discussion going, but small enough that it won’t go so fast that we’ll miss things.

But most people don’t feel that way. Most people are tired of seeing the same people in PVP (despite this being a PVE server anyway..). And while the conversations are nice, they don’t find it enough.

And so people have said (and considering how it’s gone so far, it seems like it might happen) if Corellian Run is an Origin server, they’re moving.

And I really don’t want to move. I don’t want to leave Corellian Run. But there isn’t much I can do all alone is there?

But there are so many negatives to a big populated server–I’ve been on the biggest servers before. And it’s not that great. While you can also find these issues on smaller servers, they usually are much more abundant in more popular servers. Some of these problems are:
1. Immaturity (I remember when we first joined Corellian Run, we were surprised that everyone was so mature and most conversations were just really nice and friendly. There wasn’t much (and it was rare there was) cursing at people and yelling and whining at all)
2. Kill-stealing
3. Lines. Get to a world boss and time to wait…
4. Similarly, chances of a World Boss being down = high.
5. Which also means things like the Unusual Egg = pain.
6. Inflation. More people = more credits going around = higher prices. And for someone like me who can barely afford anything…
7. Large amounts of people = chat may be hard to keep up with. Which stinks if you’re someone who likes to talk to people.
8. Not to mention with the server transfers, there’s a high chance you may need to change your character(s’) and/or legacy names.

Yes, maybe you’ll get queues done faster, but is patience so bad? :/ I can’t say there’s ever been a time where I didn’t get something within an hour (and that’s pushing it–within 30 minutes or less would be better) except times where I knew pretty much nobody was on (5AM for example). As for another positive, you could meet new people (though, it’s harder when conversation goes so fast) and things can be discovered faster (afterall, the first Taunlet was found on The Fatman–one of the biggest servers in the game). It’d be nice to know about the Orochick/Wonderous Egg/Wondrous Egg sooner.

…but I don’t know if finding things out quicker is worth it enough. I don’t feel like it is. And even if I did join Corellian Run due to finding it the prettiest name out of all the PVE East Coast Servers… I’ve really become attached to it and I don’t want to see it go.

so…I guess, I hope, if SWTOR does anything with it (I’m okay if they don’t even if new people would always be nice. I like making friends), I hope it’s a Destination Server. Because I don’t want to be all alone. …but I don’t want to leave my server home either.