Sometimes there are days where everything goes wrong…but on top of that, there are times where those days happen and there’s nothing you can really point a finger on as to say why. Whether it be being teased until your heart breaks or repeatedly wiping on something you should know or essentially being told something important to you doesn’t matter.

There are times things happen. Things that despite the fact you knew how they’d go (due to sucking in comparison) still hurt as you see dreams shatter around you. But is there anyone to blame on something expectant? No, not really. Because in the end, it’s just my fault.

Despite my continued issues with my own self, I’m not really upset or mad at anyone. I’m not sure why EC went so wrong or when I will get a Deep Wriggler but I hope we’ll be able to kick EC’s butt and Terror from Beyond’s butt and maybe I’ll get a Deep Wriggler soon and his name will be Wriggles. And yes, I know I could technically blame Bioware for making pets drop in operations in the first place or the fact that a fix may have made a fight worse but…that doesn’t make me feel better and issues do happen. And I am sure it will be fixed eventually.

…I really do wish pets would stop being put in operations though….

and maybe I can work on improving to the point where I wouldn’t be such a horrible person and can actually get my goals done right away. A lot of people say I stress a lot and I’ll be honest, it is true. When I make a goal, I want it completed essentially 5 minutes before I made the goal in the first place. I’m not really an impatient person, but I’m a paranoid person. The Wonderous Egg is probably a perfect example of why I could become more paranoid surrounding pets.

Right now, it seems the Deep Wriggler is a 100% drop. But what if that is an issue? What if it was supposed to be a 0.01% drop? Or a 1% drop or some other tiny cruel amount to taunt me for ages. Or what if another Wonderous Egg situation appears and really, who the heck knows what is going on with that. Glitches happen, codexes glitch, items glitch, I can’t really blame things for not being perfect and/or fixed. Things happen. I know I’m not perfect even if I desperately wish to be. Despite that, I will be on, I will be doing my usual research, and I will be rooting the heck out of them to get this over with because all this server first competition is silly. Yes, I said it, it is silly. World first is silly. It is all silly. To me, anyway. But–for those who care, I wish you the best of luck at completing your goals too.

“wait, didn’t you want the server first pet?” you may ask (okay, nobody is asking this but shush!)

Yes and no. It’s not actually about server first to me, but rather getting the goal done as quickly as possible. Sure, it’d be cool to actually have a server first, but it’s not actually my goal. I’m a supportive person, but I’m also competitive and can even be jealous sometimes. This is partially (or maybe even completely) due to the fact that I am a perfectionist. I need to have it done. The sooner, the better. And every single time I continue to see someone with something I still need, my heart breaks. If I am not doing the best, I just feel like a complete and utter failure who doesn’t deserve to play or be brought along anywhere. It’s a big flaw of mine. It’s also something that sometimes can come off as fishing for compliments–so I will say right here, it isn’t what I try to do. I won’t believe the person anyway and essentially, it is what it is. I’ve come to terms on it. And while there’s certain people who still worry ridiculously about me *waves to boyfriend*, it’s not something I necessarily can control.

On the bright side, this means I strive hard to succeed. But only to a certain point–when it gets to a point where I feel there’s nothing I can do, that all my goals are impossible, it’s not going to happen….I crash. Hard. Cheer and determination gets slapped with a giant pile of demotivation and then it is just a struggle to play until the point where I just won’t want to. So it’s one of those things that really throws people off because, afterall, “Wouldn’t you want to have a lot of goals to keep you playing?” Most people would, but that isn’t how I work. I want my goals done so I can work on just saving up for future ones and for every second my goals are incomplete or something gets added, my stress level goes up and I feel slightly more saddened over how behind I am.

“But why would you get on if you already finished all your goals?” I’m going to pretend you asked even though you didn’t and probably won’t read this because seriously, what do you care about any of this and why am I wasting your time…

Because, despite the fact that I can be a bit selfish sometimes and if someone rolls over me on a pet I need I will be glaring at you forever, I really do like to help people. I tend to bother people a lot. Whether it be to ask them to help me with something or credit help or asking a question or just bugging them to see how I can improve, I tend to put a lot of weight on people’s shoulders. I wouldn’t say I’m a completely dependent person, but I put a lot of trust in friends. A lot. Which is probably why I get hurt so much, especially if I consider someone a friend who may not feel the same way about me. So when it comes down to it, the least I can do is help someone back out. If I had all the credits in the world, sure, I’d probably get most of my goals done first (see stressing the longer each goal is incomplete), but after that, if a friend needed something, I’d probably just surprise them with it.

…and then I’d be poor again when my next set of goals come around but at least I made people happy! I don’t mind sitting on the sandcrawler for hours on end or explaining how to get every codex and pet in the game or even taking you along! You need a datacron guide? I’m at your call. Because in the end, I just want to know I was able to do something to say “thank you for putting up with me”. And regardless of whether I know you or not, I will always just want to help. Unless I hate you. And even then I may still help you because I feel bad easily.

Moving on to actual goals… Gear will take a while. As it is, I still do not know how many I will need for certain things for sure. However, apparently some people have already started reverse engineering things and someone was actually selling Advanced Adept Enhancement 27 on the fleet. If you bought 3, they were just 2 million each T__T I need at least 3, possibly 4…shall know for sure once Mr. Robot updates. Of course, I can’t afford that and even if I could…well, let’s be honest, I’d have to have my ship legacy stuff and all the speeders (6 million + about 3.3 million) before I’d spend the 6-8 million on the enhancement. …I probably should have still gotten their name though.

There are 4 reasons for that:
1. Gear is on a lower priority for me to begin with
2. I could get the gear a different way anyhow eventually (although…repetition. 😐 At least I’d be able to help people however!)
3. There is no other to get the speeders and Ship Legacy stuff.
4. When it comes down to it, those have been on my goal list a lot longer than some mods that only became available less than a week ago.

As it is, I still have PVP Goals where I have made absolutely no progress, but more things have been added on. I technically have enough for the gloves and boots of the Consular’s Exalted set, but that would only leave me with about 250K and I don’t think that’d be good…

This, of course, will probably stem “why do you lump goal amounts altogether again? Why not just try and separate things? It’d be easier to get then”. This is most likely because I am a very all or nothing person. In a similar way to how I hate giving up, I don’t getting just half-way there. It’s also harder to keep track. And my goals are long enough without me spelling everything out.

Essentially, my top goals are still getting the 5 million for the Ship GTN, the 1 million for both Ship Dummies, and the money I need for all the speeders. There are only 2 speeders I can get that I can not buy:
–The HM Kephess mount. I…hope we can complete it soon 🙁
–The Ranked Warzone Mount (but…I don’t think anyone wants to bring me on ranked ._. Even if my expertise is slightly over 1,100 with all my gear now. I’m not really sure what to aim for here though 🙁 )

I still never managed to get Campaign Gloves, but considering the Dread Guard stuff, it isn’t really a big priority and it’s not like I ever use my 4-set piece bonus.

so, when it comes to goal priorities:

PRIORITY NUMBER 1:
1. pets pets pets pets pets All current ones gotten
2. 6 Million 5 million for Ship Legacy stuff
3. ~3.2 Million for Speeders (+HM EC Speeder +Ranked Speeder)
4. Getting all the new Terror from Beyond Codexes I need
5. Czerka Crate-O-Matic
6. Consular’s Exalted Boots and Gloves

Total cost: ~3.5 million + lots of pain + 36 Corellia Commendations per horrible box try 🙁

SECONDARY GOALS:
1. PVE Gear
2. Hitting Legacy Level 50
3. Hitting Valor Rank 100
4. EMP Generator
5. Electronic Warfare Pod

Total cost: ~varies based on mod sellers and repairs. Also need 240 Fleet Commendations 🙁 Most of these will just be time consuming though.

TERTIARY GOALS:
1. Getting Amidaia all finished up (need to finish Corellia and Ilum and flashpoints :|)
2. Get Speederisk done so I can delete him already and get Speederisk2 started and done.
3. Get the following character perks for each alt: Legacy of Altruism, Legacy of Persuasion, Speeder Level 1, All Story Experience, All Exploration Experience (For a total of 645K). If flashpoints needed, add them for a new total of 920K
——-Cellina already has Speeder Level 1, 3/5 of Class Mission and 4/5 of Exploration lowering her total to 405K-680K.
——-Miisha already has Speeder level 1, 3/5 of Class Mission, 3/5 of Exploration, and 2/5 of Flashpoint lowering her total to 445K-495K
——-Speederisk already has Speeder level 1 lowering his total to 605K-880K.
——-Roseria already has Speeder level 1 lowering her total to 605K-880K.
4. Finishing all character’s stories and getting them all to 50. (Finishing planets + Flashpoints is an Amidaia only requirement)
5. PVP Gear
6. Legacy of Crafting (350K) for Marilea (if others get crafting up, possibly eventually for them as well or at least Amidaia (Cybertech))

Total Cost: 3,700,000-5,125,000 Credits (not counting removal of mods for PVP or Legacy of Crafting for anyone other than Marilea), Lots of Warzone Commendations + Pain

QUATERNARY GOALS: If Makeb/level increase is coming out, those that are *’d will become Priority or Secondary Level.
Legacy of Sacrifice – 250K
Legacy Fleet Pass – 600K
Legacy Quick Travel – 600K *
Improved Rocket Boost – 2.5 million
Warzone Experience – 275K * if Valor 100 hasn’t been hit yet by the time level increasement happens
Flashpoint Experience – 275K * if new Flashpoints are released with level increasement.
Space Mission Experience – 150K * when new Space missions come out.
Story Experience – 275K * (If Makeb really does start Chapter 4)
Exploration Experience – 150K *
Outlaw’s Den (50K), Vanguard Fleet (50K), and Black Hole Travel Passes (150K) – 250K

Total: 5,175,000 Credits

QUINQUERNARY GOALS:
All Race Unlocks (6 million. 7.5 million if I get impatient with Aurorra even though she is a Cyborg and will be level 50 eventually…)
Legacy of Altruism – 90K
Legacy of Persuasion – 90K
Speeder Training – 465K
Field Respecialization – 200K
Legacy of Leadership – 60K
Fully Gearing Companions (In order: Nadia, Qyzen, Tharan, Zenith, Iresso)

Total: 6,525,000 – 8,225,000 Credits

and you see why I stress. For now, I shall just go back to thinking of the Pet thing I want to do to get my mind off it all ignoring that I have no idea where to even get started on something like that…