Tag Archive | Personal

So much ugh.

Aug1

So, if last week’s run was bad, this week has managed to top it. About half of each raid group was missing so we ended up doing some mixing and matching and it just…wasn’t very good. Our other tank didn’t seem to know what they were doing a few times (and thus, at the tanks as they got out of my sight, it was totally my fault for not healing enough 😐 STILL CAN’T SEE THROUGH LOGS/TREES).

And after we got the tanks down (took us 2 hours to get to that point), when one of our DPS had to go, it was used as an excuse to stop…even though we had another DPS on who could come. So we just went to the chest for commendations and stopped since nobody else wanted to continue. And I just hate that attitude. Seriously.

As it is, most of my credits are now gone too thanks to repairs. It was just horrible.

Moving on, besides not feeling like an officer whatsoever (It seems it’s mostly the GM, the co-GM and then a officer who was supposed to be temporary who end up doing all the talking about junk), there is a “selective” HM EC group happening on Thursday.

I…hate that. I really don’t like Elitism at all. So, I already figured my boyfriend and I are not going. Eventually, as we may be heading down to VA on Thursday (most likely Friday, but maybe Thursday) and I was asked if I wanted to do a HM run by someone else due to us doing story mode today, I decided to ask.

The response? For my boyfriend, no. For me, I was one of the “unconfirmed” slots. Aka a maybe. And since they never asked me, that means:
1. Either they need to talk and see if anyone would mind (And I’m sure I can guess some of the people in the group and thus, who would mind)
and/or
2. They have better healers in mind and are waiting to hear back.

Even if I do get picked, just because I can tell I’m not really a definite choice and the fact that they kicked my boyfriend to the curb, I will probably decline it. I just…don’t like that. At all.

So maybe I’ll do HM with a different group on Thursday. If I do it at all. However, if I do, I just hope I don’t disappoint them.

Besides that, as expected with the news (see last entry), some people are just being obnoxious jerks. Including friends. Some are excited to play, others are kind of okay and are looking forward to playing just not with you and others are being complete buttheads. And that’s really what’s upsetting me.

T____T

Jul29

Why couldn’t he go back to his family? His mother is a jerk. this has made me so depressed.

*adds to list of story lines she hates*

For those who are losing track, it’s:
1. Killing slaves regardless
2. Killing Nekghouls + Master regardless
3. Killing or Bringing Jawa Shaman in and not making a deal
*NEW* 4. Not being able to reunite Paul and his family T____T

and I mean, my character would’ve given the money if he asked again… I didn’t know why that option for reuniting with his family was Dark Side. I DON’T UNDERSTAND *cries*

Edit: Ord Mantell is a mess 🙁

The “Simplicity” of Hello

Jul28

I actually started this last night, but due to some frustration, just headed to bed. Anyway, between traffic and a lightning storm, getting home is taking forever and I figured why not work on writing even though I have motionsickness. Moving onto the entry…

Despite my shyness (and thus, would have much trouble doing such .a thing in real life), I always try and say some kind of greeting whenever someone logs in. Mostly guild, though, sometimes I will say a greeting to General chat wherever I happen to be. Or to the Global and Pets channels (ignoring that nobody is really in the latter). While I don’t expect a response usually from most places, it seems I more often get a response from a stranger than a friend or guildmate…which is kind of depressing, don’t you think?

Of course, people can be busy. Or miss messages–that happens. I am a bit odd in the fact that I have several channels set up above my chat box:
1. General – Anything not in Other. Though, also features server announcements and item rolls.
2. Party – Group, Ops Chat, Item Rolls, anything relating.
3. Guild – Anything guild related minus ops.
4. Whispers – Just whispers
5. Global – Just Global
6. Pets – Just Pets
7. Other – Anything that isn’t actual players talking.

Essentially, the only thing I don’t have something for is “Say” which is because it is rare anytime I end up using it that the chat would be too busy to keep up.

Like I said, I’m sure most people do not do this. I am just incredibly organized. But it’d be nice if it wasn’t a rare surprise to be greeted or responded to.

Kind of like when you ask someone a question and they just disappear. That is just frustrating. And things happen, sure, but you are going to tell me they will never get back to you? Sometimes I have to disappear and someone asks me something and when I get back, they are offline. I always try and send a message with an apology and the answer.

But maybe I am a bit overly touchy after everything that happened laat week. Or the fact that I received over 10x the birthday wishes AND gifts from a site I had only been a member of for a week and a half than people I have known for much longer. I don’t even care about gifts, but is it truly so hard to wish someone a Happy Birthday?

I just wish people would stop joking so much and remember what common courtesy is.

Stressed

Jul25

After having Nightmares two nights in a row now, I’m pretty sure it’s a safe bet that I am more than a little stressed. Most likely this whole situation and trying to still enjoy my trip while still feeling sad and frustrated = horrible dreams.

I probably need to take a break (though, whether I actually will…) from playing, or at least my Sage. Maybe my Sorcerer as well.

I just can’t deal with the drama. Especially as I don’t feel like anything was cared about or done. Before I continue, I shall put a Read More now as while this entry does do with the game–it’s more about me and my feelings instead of my feelings as I play the game. Continue reading →

Conversing

Jul23

So, I ended up talking to several people for advice. In general, what it has come out to has been pretty much unanimously that it’s screwed up and unfair I was put into this position, that this member shouldn’t be allowed to act like that, and that if I’m going to be treated like that, I should quit/find a new guild.

There is nothing I can say. It doesn’t matter. I’d have to change the mind of a person who obviously wants nothing to do with me.

Unfortunately, if I did quit, I’d feel horrible. We’d probably stay guildless for a good while as well, if not permanently.

I’ll probably just wait until my boyfriend gets up though to talk more about it as it concerns him too. As it is, the clock is ticking down and they want my answer…unfortunately, I’m still not sure what it is.

So many feelings

Jul20

Today…has not been a very good day. In fact, when they least sucky part of the day was dailies, that kind of says it all.

I’m still pretty frustrated with my stupid armor. And the fact that I’m not being listened to. Because, you know, obviously leveling up with this class means nothing. I either have to wear it or I will not be able to do Hard Mode Explosive Conflict. That is stupid for something that has no stat benefits. Quoting the guide mentioned earlier in another quote of theirs:

In terms of set bonuses, the 2-piece should be considered compulsory (a reduction on the cooldown of our bread-and-butter ability is invaluable), while the 4-piece is optional. The extra 50 force points provides a small buffer, and also makes Noble Sacrifice regain slightly more force (since it returns a fixed percentage of your health pool), but if you manage your resources effectively you should have no issues without it.

And it’s true. It’s just…it doesn’t help. Even one of our guild mates who healed while he leveled said it makes no difference. Because it doesn’t. But gee, what do I know? I’d love to switch back. So much. But I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to be yelled at. Not to mention I’m sure who they’re place me with…and god they annoy me. And I can’t afford to anyway. He may have paid for me to switch, but who’s stuck paying to switch back to what I didn’t want to switch from to begin with? Me. 🙁

Anyway, I had gotten on to do some comparisons and things while working from home today, but was dragged off to dailies (Told I could just throw down heals and follow along) so I shrugged and gave in. We ended up stopping after Belsavis though to help out friends. They went to help out a guildmate with the +10 Fleet Datacron and I went to help a friend with LI HM as the healer with him quit…unfortunately, the DPS with him got tired of waiting (it wasn’t even long) and also quit. I managed to bring in 2 DPS and it just…it was horrible. I can’t even pinpoint what went wrong. The DPS was pretty low, which was odd as I know both are capable and have seen them do it together, the tank was just…kind of awkward? I guess? My heals seemed useless. And I got grenaded several times which didn’t help. I just… I can’t even… I honestly don’t know. I’m just going to say this outfit is cursed.

We eventually had to go–the two DPS were just tired of losing (and I can’t blame them. I honestly don’t know what went wrong though) and I had a raid to do go…which ended up being canceled due to us missing a healer. So, I was told to go join the other Ops group to help them finish up EC (they just had Kephess left) and they’d save the rest of them to help on Sunday.

…now, I like most of the other raid team, but why wasn’t I asked? I was just told what to do. I still had to work, my boyfriend wanted to do some stuff with me when he heard, but I was sent off. I really don’t care that it was half done either, but my issue is nobody even asked.

Anyway, it took us 4 tries as I got berated by one specific tank for not healing well enough (along with the other healer, but I’m sure it was more towards me–not the first time). Regardless, we did get it done. After, they apparently wanted to drag me on a KP HM–but not only is it not my usual group (though, I would’ve loved to help out most of them) and I didn’t know what my group was doing, I still had work to do and my boyfriend had wanted to play with me and once again, I wasn’t asked, it was just pretty much “you’re coming, right?”. I just…seriously, ask. I can’t stress that enough. And I really didn’t have time today. I only got 1/3 of the work done (though, I should be able to get the rest done today) due to constant streams of “It’ll only take a few minutes, it’s just *insertwhateverhere*” and fdl;sdgkgd;lsdl;sd I just…seriously. Too many feelings and frustrations.

In a note of happy today, however, I received these wonderful WIPs that were drawn by Sakonma. I will be using one (possibly both–but at least one) for when I work on the new banner:

I can’t wait to see them colored.

Besides that, Codex Progress is now under “When it comes to Collecting…” and also a new section under “My Characters”.

Also, been having lots of creativity strikes lately–unfortunately, I can’t draw so four of them won’t happen, but I may write a bit. So if you see any password protected entries…that’s why. You have to suffer enough when you read this stuff–I won’t make you suffer more by reading my fanfiction.

Frustration and Birthdayness

Jul19

Continuing in usual faction, I will start with the latter part of the subject:
THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO WISHED ME A HAPPY BIRTHDAY YESTERDAY! And a bonus thank you to those who sent gifts. It was a really awesome surprise and I appreciated it.

Now, to the former part of the subject… My frustration grows. I’m starting to understand how Combat sentinel feel is one way to put it.

I was gotten back to by my friend and he told me how both his sages said the Set Bonus really helps with bosses, so I asked two questions:
1. Have they ever not used the set bonus?
and
2. Did you notice anything different in the log? (I had sent him my combat log to look over)

The answer to both of these questions was “No”

which means:
1. They never tried without the bonus so they really have nothing to test it on
2. That means even without the set bonus, I was not doing better or worse with it. I was doing exactly the same.

My boyfriend is a combat sentinel so I constantly see him being yelled at to be Watchman by, well, other Watchman’s–most who have usually never tried Combat to begin with (and a good portion of the ones who have that just didn’t understand it). I’ve seen Combat Sentinels do more damage than Watchman many times. Watchman may have it’s advantages (and it’s much better for PVP), but Combat isn’t bad.

In that sense, neither is not using a set bonus. If you do your rotation right, 50 force will never make a difference. While Healing Trace’s cooldown reduce is helpful, again, if you’re doing it right, you won’t ever find a point where you will not have it ready to go when you need it.

In fact, I will have to choose between losing 11 Willpower and having the 2 and 4 Force-Mystic Set Bonus or keeping the 11 Willpower and having the 2 Set Bonus from Force-Mystic and Force-Master. I am used to the latter, but I know I will be criticized if I do not do the former despite it being no different.

When the official site is back up, I may ask for advice in that regard, but I would like to continue to point out that the Set Bonus has done nothing for me. I did not do better. I did not worse. You just forced me to switch for absolutely nothing and I’m stuck using this because of what other people say.

You are not me. You do not know how I play my class. So stop acting like you do. Stop acting like you know my class when you don’t.

Not all guides are right–that’s why you try and ask actual people who played the character. And if they say something different than what you assumed by how they may have done something (which, for all you know, could just be a hold over until they can get what they need), saying that they’re wrong does not make you look better or help anyone.

And while number crunching and theory can do a lot, it’s still not perfect. You still need to actually try because sometimes, it might not be that simple.

Moving on, we may have a lead on the Wondrous Egg…but who knows :/ At least more nests have been found.

ugh

Jul18

Even just loading up the game and seeing those stupid ugly shoulder pads that look like they’ll pop out of the game and poke you in the eye made me wince. 😐

Shall still try and have a party, but the game has just made me very v-v at the moment and it’s not even fully the game’s fault.

Regardless, Thank you to those who sent me birthday wishes on the game. I wish I looked nice for it though.

It’s just a game vs. Serious Business

Jul13

I really hate the term Serious Business–mostly because it’s become a giant joke. In this case, I actually mean it as it says.

If you haven’t noticed, I’m a very serious person. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I get emotional about everything, and I take everything personal. It’s how I am–the phrase “it’s just a game” or “it’s supposed to just be for fun” doesn’t really exist for me because of how I was raised.

Similarly, I was also taught anything you care about should be important so everything is always high priority for me which also means I get incredibly passionate with it. It is something I enjoy and I put my all in. Just because the way I put my all in is not the way you agree with doesn’t mean I do not.

Like I get a lot of crud about not doing dailies. I’m glad you can do those mundane tasks for money, but I can’t and if you’re going to imply that I’m pathetic or lazy because of that, be happy glares can’t, at the very least, seriously injure.

If I do not agree with something, I can’t pretend to care or force myself to do it because I hate it. It ruins things for me. Even in typing class, I didn’t type the proper way because I could type even faster with 2 fingers (though, now I can type both ways). I also will always try to play things with the arrow keys–WASD can go back to the toilet. And more often than not, if I do push myself to do it, I’ll end up getting really depressed or not being able to stand it. Like it could be a game I adore and if I am doing something I really hate in it, I may never play the game again. That is just how severe it effects me. There has only been one circumstance where I have ever been able to stand it–however, that is 1 out of many other examples like my Pokemon Blue and Harvest Moon: Save the Homeland game files being saved over by idiots. I was never able to play those again because I couldn’t push myself to replay everything I had accomplished.

So yes, dailies are the best way to earn money. No, I’m not going to do them because then I won’t play in the first place and then having so much money means nothing.

And no, I can “complain” all I want. Just stating things to keep track =/= complaining, for the record. It’s why this blog exists. Because I like typing out my thoughts and need to get them off my chest so I don’t stress and have an anxiety attack. But fine, I’ll just stop talking, I suppose–afterall, you only care about how much you can earn and acting like you’re better than everyone else.

I already have to deal with it so much. “God, drawing this is a pain.” “Do you want me to draw it for you?/Was that a request?/etc.” NO. I can state things without asking for something. stop it. just stop. I don’t need your pity and just let me talk without thinking I’m begging or trying to guilt you into something because I’m not.

Part of why I have been mentioning the mods so much is it’s driving me crazy having half my gear done and half not. I don’t know what to do. I can’t play around with the Enhancements too much until I change the mods since I need to know what my Crit and Surge will be at. Similarly, I need to see how they will be after I switch the Implant (considering the Relic I’m switching to just adds Power instead of so much Endurance, that’s not really an issue). As it is, even considering doing the Flash Point Dailies for Black Hole Commendations is just making me want to log off.

I’m probably going to be a mess next week since I’m being forced to put my mods and stuff into stupid Rakata/Columni/Tionese which will make me incredibly uncomfortable and I know it won’t do anything. I already know what the problem is. And we got so close last week, I’m sure we’ll do better this Tuesday. And of course, they will say it’s because of the new armor when it’s not–it’s just natural improvement and actually yelling (okay, I’ll still have trouble with this part) at the tanks to move a little closer or further back or whatever so I don’t die.

But I’m not going to blow it on purpose to show it’s worse. I’d feel horrendously guilty as I know everyone will be giving their all and so will I. Not to mention that gear-wise, it’ll be the same as what I am wearing now just with the set bonus. However, switching mods and stuff out of what I plan on keeping for something temporary truly bothers me. Especially as I’m going to have to still switch them back. It’s just stupid and frustrating and it sucks.

And you know what’s really sad? The people who more often say “it’s just a game” or “it should be fun” are the same people who will tell you off and throw you off a cliff to rot saying you’re not good enough. You don’t have what you need. You’re not talented enough to be here.

You suck.

You’re replaceable.

So despite how serious I am, apparently I am not serious enough for at least trying to play my way and enjoy the game. Yippee.