So, recently, it hit me exactly what day today is. It is Thursday which is our new EC Normal Day due to the HM run being on Tuesday (as Reaper can’t run Thursdays).

I…don’t really want to go. Of course, I still feel loyal to the guild, but I am just so frustrated. I don’t really care about having things on farm. We’re not helping anyone with this run (nobody needs anything). We’re just doing it. Why? To remember that we were kicked from the HM group? And considering last week we only managed to get 2/4 (due to several changes), I don’t want to go again. I just don’t.

One person already went Hiatus from Raiding. I can’t help but wonder if it is partially due to this.

But, to make things more difficult, as you know, I went and raided a HM 16-man EC run (And I have to say I love 16-man as it really helps me learn the positioning of a fight) and due to the glitch with Mine-guy, we could not finish…they did, however, fix the glitch and so I have been invited to finish it up and get my final two codexes–plus my Aratech Midnight.

I am inclined to go with that as:
1. I hate leaving things undone. Seriously.
2. It was a raid with a lot of people I knew from outside the guild who I happened to be friends with.
3. It was actually fun–sometime I haven’t felt since all the HM EC stuff in our guild.
4. It will finish off almost all my codexes. I’d only need Nightmare KP ones (the title included) and then the rest are just glitched.

Of course, regardless of which I’ll pick, I will feel bad. As it is, my boyfriend isn’t feeling too well regardless (and is beyond pissed off with the whole situation) so he will most likely not be raiding tonight. I actually do have to bake cookies with my sister (once again I have been volunteered to make cookies for people 😐 ) so I may not even be on for the EC Normal raid which starts at 8. I should be on by 8:50 though, when the EC HM raid starts (and this is why I can’t just do both).

I also just…don’t feel wanted? I mean, when the person who you originally thought hated you (later learned he just has a kind of dry sarcasm) seems to be the only one who cares about you being there or staying, there is something wrong. Or you know, if you mention not being on due to being in a car accident and get only responded to by that same person while after a pause, the other people just go back to talking about some concert or show they saw. Thanks for the concern, guys.

In the meantime, I’ve been getting even more focused on gear. This is because I just want to get out of this outfit so badly (unfortunately, I only have like 400K so not sure if I can afford too as while other stuff was lowered to like 25K, Campaign/26 stuff is 30K :|) and I’m so pissed off with them right now and just want to show I don’t suck. And it wasn’t my fault. No, I don’t know or care how your other two healers are doing it, but apparently you’re just scraping by and it seems to be luck as it still takes several goes. I think the only operation boss I’ve always seen take several goes are the two tanks in EC just because of how much precision is needed. One single lag spike could kill everyone.

The Campaign chest and gloves drop from Mine-guy while the Main-hand and Helm drop from Kephess. At the very least, I really hope I can get the chest. Then I’d at least have the chest and pants and it wouldn’t be so horrible. I would say after that, I’d really want the gloves because giant pads on the gloves are just awkward. Of course, I’d love all 4, but I’d feel like a jerk unless nobody needed them. And I still need the boots from Nightmare Pilgrim, but I have to do him 2 more times anyway for the Aratech Coral. Still, hopefully then I will never see him again. He’s not so bad for a Healer though–just need to heal A LOT and avoid circles. It’s really mostly the DPS who need to make sure they listen so they don’t kill themselves.

Going back to more gear specific stuff, I actually saw 3 Advanced Mettle Mod 26 yesterday T__T They were about 500K each and thus, I couldn’t afford any of them. Not to mention 1.5 million is also how much I’d need to make Zoara (which I really want to–I hate having a slot just filled up for no reason. I want to get her made the way she is supposed to be) or I could get the two Ship Dummies with 500K to spare. And yes, Ship Legacy stuff is still super priority to me! But I’m no where close to ever having 5 million for a GTN 🙁 let alone the 1 million for the Dummies (which are probably the lowest priority). Not to mention I still need like 200K-300K for Miisha’s exp. stuff :/ (and I still need to get Amidaia to 50 already! And get all her companions up ._.)

Getting back to my original subject… unfortunately, when I checked this afternoon (though, still can’t afford it), all 3 were gone 🙁 I really should’ve seen if someone could loan me credits considering how rare it seems to be that a Mettle Mod 26 shows up in the first place (I’ve seen plenty of 25’s and many 26B’s and some 26A’s but just 26 is a foreign concept).

Overall though, I still need quite a bit–even though I have been prioritizing the mods. So, list time:
Hat: Campaign Headgear Armoring
Top: Campaign Vestments Armoring, Advanced Mettle Mod 26, Advanced Quick Savant Enhancement 26 (375K-500K. I could afford one right now, but it’d be all my money 🙁 )
Gloves: Campaign Gloves Armoring
Bracers: Advanced Resolve Armoring 26 (None for sale right now, but usually 2 million v-v)
Belt: Advanced Resolve Armoring 26 (see above)
Skirt/Pants: Advanced Mettle Mod 26
Boots: Campaign Boots Armoring, Advanced Mettle Mod 26
Main Hand: Advanced Resolve Hilt 26 (Campaign Main Hand), Advanced Quick Savant Enhancement 26 (See Top.)

So, I need 2 Advanced Resolve Armoring 26, 5 Campaign Drops for Armorings, 3 Advanced Mettle Mod 26, and 2 Advanced Quick Savant Enhancement 26 for a grand total of lots of emotional pain from EC HM and roughly 6.5 million credits. Lovely.

can I just have a pile of credits? please? ._. then I’d be able to finish all this junk and help my boyfriend get geared too and work on our alts so he can have more to go raid and just earning credits sucks. And while some people in our guild are starting to get these high mods, the whole making people pay for materials that everyone in the guild worked together to get really rubs me the wrong way :/ it may be cheaper (in some cases–though, I don’t believe they can make any of the ones I need ATM anyhow), but the principal of it bothers me too much.