I really hate the term Serious Business–mostly because it’s become a giant joke. In this case, I actually mean it as it says.

If you haven’t noticed, I’m a very serious person. I wear my heart on my sleeve, I get emotional about everything, and I take everything personal. It’s how I am–the phrase “it’s just a game” or “it’s supposed to just be for fun” doesn’t really exist for me because of how I was raised.

Similarly, I was also taught anything you care about should be important so everything is always high priority for me which also means I get incredibly passionate with it. It is something I enjoy and I put my all in. Just because the way I put my all in is not the way you agree with doesn’t mean I do not.

Like I get a lot of crud about not doing dailies. I’m glad you can do those mundane tasks for money, but I can’t and if you’re going to imply that I’m pathetic or lazy because of that, be happy glares can’t, at the very least, seriously injure.

If I do not agree with something, I can’t pretend to care or force myself to do it because I hate it. It ruins things for me. Even in typing class, I didn’t type the proper way because I could type even faster with 2 fingers (though, now I can type both ways). I also will always try to play things with the arrow keys–WASD can go back to the toilet. And more often than not, if I do push myself to do it, I’ll end up getting really depressed or not being able to stand it. Like it could be a game I adore and if I am doing something I really hate in it, I may never play the game again. That is just how severe it effects me. There has only been one circumstance where I have ever been able to stand it–however, that is 1 out of many other examples like my Pokemon Blue and Harvest Moon: Save the Homeland game files being saved over by idiots. I was never able to play those again because I couldn’t push myself to replay everything I had accomplished.

So yes, dailies are the best way to earn money. No, I’m not going to do them because then I won’t play in the first place and then having so much money means nothing.

And no, I can “complain” all I want. Just stating things to keep track =/= complaining, for the record. It’s why this blog exists. Because I like typing out my thoughts and need to get them off my chest so I don’t stress and have an anxiety attack. But fine, I’ll just stop talking, I suppose–afterall, you only care about how much you can earn and acting like you’re better than everyone else.

I already have to deal with it so much. “God, drawing this is a pain.” “Do you want me to draw it for you?/Was that a request?/etc.” NO. I can state things without asking for something. stop it. just stop. I don’t need your pity and just let me talk without thinking I’m begging or trying to guilt you into something because I’m not.

Part of why I have been mentioning the mods so much is it’s driving me crazy having half my gear done and half not. I don’t know what to do. I can’t play around with the Enhancements too much until I change the mods since I need to know what my Crit and Surge will be at. Similarly, I need to see how they will be after I switch the Implant (considering the Relic I’m switching to just adds Power instead of so much Endurance, that’s not really an issue). As it is, even considering doing the Flash Point Dailies for Black Hole Commendations is just making me want to log off.

I’m probably going to be a mess next week since I’m being forced to put my mods and stuff into stupid Rakata/Columni/Tionese which will make me incredibly uncomfortable and I know it won’t do anything. I already know what the problem is. And we got so close last week, I’m sure we’ll do better this Tuesday. And of course, they will say it’s because of the new armor when it’s not–it’s just natural improvement and actually yelling (okay, I’ll still have trouble with this part) at the tanks to move a little closer or further back or whatever so I don’t die.

But I’m not going to blow it on purpose to show it’s worse. I’d feel horrendously guilty as I know everyone will be giving their all and so will I. Not to mention that gear-wise, it’ll be the same as what I am wearing now just with the set bonus. However, switching mods and stuff out of what I plan on keeping for something temporary truly bothers me. Especially as I’m going to have to still switch them back. It’s just stupid and frustrating and it sucks.

And you know what’s really sad? The people who more often say “it’s just a game” or “it should be fun” are the same people who will tell you off and throw you off a cliff to rot saying you’re not good enough. You don’t have what you need. You’re not talented enough to be here.

You suck.

You’re replaceable.

So despite how serious I am, apparently I am not serious enough for at least trying to play my way and enjoy the game. Yippee.