Archives

What To Do

Aug9

So, recently, it hit me exactly what day today is. It is Thursday which is our new EC Normal Day due to the HM run being on Tuesday (as Reaper can’t run Thursdays).

I…don’t really want to go. Of course, I still feel loyal to the guild, but I am just so frustrated. I don’t really care about having things on farm. We’re not helping anyone with this run (nobody needs anything). We’re just doing it. Why? To remember that we were kicked from the HM group? And considering last week we only managed to get 2/4 (due to several changes), I don’t want to go again. I just don’t.

One person already went Hiatus from Raiding. I can’t help but wonder if it is partially due to this.

But, to make things more difficult, as you know, I went and raided a HM 16-man EC run (And I have to say I love 16-man as it really helps me learn the positioning of a fight) and due to the glitch with Mine-guy, we could not finish…they did, however, fix the glitch and so I have been invited to finish it up and get my final two codexes–plus my Aratech Midnight.

I am inclined to go with that as:
1. I hate leaving things undone. Seriously.
2. It was a raid with a lot of people I knew from outside the guild who I happened to be friends with.
3. It was actually fun–sometime I haven’t felt since all the HM EC stuff in our guild.
4. It will finish off almost all my codexes. I’d only need Nightmare KP ones (the title included) and then the rest are just glitched.

Of course, regardless of which I’ll pick, I will feel bad. As it is, my boyfriend isn’t feeling too well regardless (and is beyond pissed off with the whole situation) so he will most likely not be raiding tonight. I actually do have to bake cookies with my sister (once again I have been volunteered to make cookies for people 😐 ) so I may not even be on for the EC Normal raid which starts at 8. I should be on by 8:50 though, when the EC HM raid starts (and this is why I can’t just do both).

I also just…don’t feel wanted? I mean, when the person who you originally thought hated you (later learned he just has a kind of dry sarcasm) seems to be the only one who cares about you being there or staying, there is something wrong. Or you know, if you mention not being on due to being in a car accident and get only responded to by that same person while after a pause, the other people just go back to talking about some concert or show they saw. Thanks for the concern, guys.

In the meantime, I’ve been getting even more focused on gear. This is because I just want to get out of this outfit so badly (unfortunately, I only have like 400K so not sure if I can afford too as while other stuff was lowered to like 25K, Campaign/26 stuff is 30K :|) and I’m so pissed off with them right now and just want to show I don’t suck. And it wasn’t my fault. No, I don’t know or care how your other two healers are doing it, but apparently you’re just scraping by and it seems to be luck as it still takes several goes. I think the only operation boss I’ve always seen take several goes are the two tanks in EC just because of how much precision is needed. One single lag spike could kill everyone.

The Campaign chest and gloves drop from Mine-guy while the Main-hand and Helm drop from Kephess. At the very least, I really hope I can get the chest. Then I’d at least have the chest and pants and it wouldn’t be so horrible. I would say after that, I’d really want the gloves because giant pads on the gloves are just awkward. Of course, I’d love all 4, but I’d feel like a jerk unless nobody needed them. And I still need the boots from Nightmare Pilgrim, but I have to do him 2 more times anyway for the Aratech Coral. Still, hopefully then I will never see him again. He’s not so bad for a Healer though–just need to heal A LOT and avoid circles. It’s really mostly the DPS who need to make sure they listen so they don’t kill themselves.

Going back to more gear specific stuff, I actually saw 3 Advanced Mettle Mod 26 yesterday T__T They were about 500K each and thus, I couldn’t afford any of them. Not to mention 1.5 million is also how much I’d need to make Zoara (which I really want to–I hate having a slot just filled up for no reason. I want to get her made the way she is supposed to be) or I could get the two Ship Dummies with 500K to spare. And yes, Ship Legacy stuff is still super priority to me! But I’m no where close to ever having 5 million for a GTN 🙁 let alone the 1 million for the Dummies (which are probably the lowest priority). Not to mention I still need like 200K-300K for Miisha’s exp. stuff :/ (and I still need to get Amidaia to 50 already! And get all her companions up ._.)

Getting back to my original subject… unfortunately, when I checked this afternoon (though, still can’t afford it), all 3 were gone 🙁 I really should’ve seen if someone could loan me credits considering how rare it seems to be that a Mettle Mod 26 shows up in the first place (I’ve seen plenty of 25’s and many 26B’s and some 26A’s but just 26 is a foreign concept).

Overall though, I still need quite a bit–even though I have been prioritizing the mods. So, list time:
Hat: Campaign Headgear Armoring
Top: Campaign Vestments Armoring, Advanced Mettle Mod 26, Advanced Quick Savant Enhancement 26 (375K-500K. I could afford one right now, but it’d be all my money 🙁 )
Gloves: Campaign Gloves Armoring
Bracers: Advanced Resolve Armoring 26 (None for sale right now, but usually 2 million v-v)
Belt: Advanced Resolve Armoring 26 (see above)
Skirt/Pants: Advanced Mettle Mod 26
Boots: Campaign Boots Armoring, Advanced Mettle Mod 26
Main Hand: Advanced Resolve Hilt 26 (Campaign Main Hand), Advanced Quick Savant Enhancement 26 (See Top.)

So, I need 2 Advanced Resolve Armoring 26, 5 Campaign Drops for Armorings, 3 Advanced Mettle Mod 26, and 2 Advanced Quick Savant Enhancement 26 for a grand total of lots of emotional pain from EC HM and roughly 6.5 million credits. Lovely.

can I just have a pile of credits? please? ._. then I’d be able to finish all this junk and help my boyfriend get geared too and work on our alts so he can have more to go raid and just earning credits sucks. And while some people in our guild are starting to get these high mods, the whole making people pay for materials that everyone in the guild worked together to get really rubs me the wrong way :/ it may be cheaper (in some cases–though, I don’t believe they can make any of the ones I need ATM anyhow), but the principal of it bothers me too much.

Eeeee! :D

Aug7

I was brought on an emergency run with Stoic’s main 16-man HM Group when one of their healers had to suddenly leave. Unfortunately, the mine boss is glitched right now due to the next patch, but we got the first two done and I got Campaign pants and I’m just so excited! New codexes and one item changed (and I even got the enhancement I needed for it!) Was like 200K to change stuff around though 🙁 This makes me more impatient to get 3 Advanced Mettle Mod 26 however.

Now we’re waiting for Nightmare Pilgrim 😀 if he loads up before like 12:15AM, we shall do him and that would make things even more epic T~T

Edit: We did it! We beat Nightmare Pilgrim! OMGYES.

Edit 2: And it looks like the patch is going in tonight for Thursday as expected :3 And apparently Elidibs has a spot again so maybe I can finish EC AND THAT WOULD BE SO AWESOME OMGYAY.

I GOT TAUNLING!

Jun25

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG. I found a group and they were okay with me using Master Looter and TAUNLING (well, the Exotic Animal Crate) DROPPED AND OMGOMGOMGOMG.

Picture of my lovely Taunling (Sadly, the other pictures wouldn’t screenshot. I do not know what causes the game to not always screenshot but it sucks):

THANK YOU GUYS SO MUCH T~T I LOVE YOU ALL FOREVER.

AND NOW I NEVER HAVE TO BE ON HOTH AND SEE GARGATH AGAIN. WOO!

Rants and Raves, I suppose

Jun24

So, I have a bit to talk about… I guess I’ll start with heading to the Tatooine event. I’m not really much of a PVPer, nor do I care to, so instead, I found somewhere to hide and spectated. Surprisingly, most people didn’t even notice me–I think I was only noticed once and the person kind of just looked at me and then left. Despite just spectating inside somewhere, there was still quite a bit to see. Do kind of wish I could have seen stuff outside as well, however.

No idea why my name was blue and whatnot–same thing happens when I queue for warzones. I’ve reported it and people can still hit me (if they try to) so it’s not like I’m immune–just a weird glitch.

After about an hour, I headed to the fleet for the raid. We finished Karagga Normal and then started HM…unfortunately, lots of issues with Bonethrasher. A few people just…weren’t listening. I also lagged once though and got smacked into the green stuff so bleh. :/ After him though, we did pretty well and got to the enemies before Fabricator. We stopped there as some people needed to sleep soon.

So, I went to check on Gargath and he wasn’t up, so I kind of just signed off shortly after and I don’t think anyone would have helped me with him anyway even if he was up. Not because they’re being rude, but because all week it’s just been so much Gargath that they’re sick of him. Just like KP. I can’t blame them–even I’m kind of sick of them (Though, I do find Fabricator and Karagga fun, but I hate everything before it at this point), but like when I grinded up PVP to 65, I’m determined.

I’m a shy person, I hate asking for help (Part of why I am so upset I can’t do these things alone) as it makes me feel bad, and I also hate giving up. On the flipside, if I get excited about something, I can be quite loud. I can also be abrasive, pushy, stubborn, and can some on a bit strong with my goals.

The thing is, and even when I’m saying what I still need, I’m not trying to ask for favors. I’m not trying to guilt people to help. I am honestly just stating them (thus why I made this to write in). As an example, 90% of my friends can draw really well. I can’t stand how I draw so I often complain about it. And then at least 80% of them ask if I want something drawn and it’s not even what I was trying to imply. I state a lot of things for myself and sometimes, maybe, I just want someone to listen for once.

I guess the best way to explain how I think of things is an old phrase: “It’s more fun planning the party than the actual party is.”

This doesn’t work for me. My favorite part is after the party when we clean up and prepare for whenever another party may happen so as soon as it does happen, everything is ready to go. So, in short, I like to have my lists done. Completely empty. Then work on saving credits and materials and etc. for the next patch so as soon as it comes up, I’m good to go. I have gear, I have credits, I have all the current pets, and I am completely ready to dedicate to this new update. In fact, My OCPD is why I have these blogs because despite the fact I have a very good memory, it helps relieve some stress for me to write it all down.

The thing is, if I still have stuff to do, I can’t do that. I can’t just focus on what is in the update because I still have things to catch up on. Thus, I stress and I practically have an anxiety attack. And the thing that people don’t seem to understand is for every second that I am feeling like I am behind, the more stressed I feel and the more I push. I will not ask for help or freebies–in fact, if you offer, my answer will always be something like “If you want to” or “If you feel like” or “If you’d like to” and similar. I will not ask because I will feel bad and guilty if I do even if you obviously have no issue doing so. If I do receive a sudden mail, expect a bazillion OMGTHANKYOU as I will feel forever in your debt.

I am someone who would put aside everything to finish things. I have everything at that high priority and put my passion into every single thing.

I’m not trying to be annoying. Or use anyone. Or bother people.

But I am trying to make sure I can maybe get myself some actual sleep. And maybe not want to curl into a ball and cry out of stress.

And if I could, I’d try and complete the goals all by myself.

but I can’t.

I can’t either 2.5 million (or 16 million) by Tuesday.

I can’t hit valor 100 by Tuesday. And I’m sure when I try to PVP to get the commendations I need for the other pet (as warzone commendations max at 2K and I need a total of 4K for both) once 1.3 hits, I’m also going to be reminded just how much I suck and what a burden I am to whatever team gets me.

I can’t do Lost Island HM by myself. I can’t do Karagga HM by msyelf. I can’t beat Gargath by myself.

I’m useless.

And I’m sorry if it seems I’m bugging or being a bit too abrasive. I don’t expect you to do things just for me. I don’t expect any of you to do things for me.

but I don’t know what to do anymore.

and honestly, the thing that makes me no longer want to play things most of all (even more than repeating) is feeling like I’ve gotten too far left behind.

and I don’t want that to happen to this game too.

The stress has gotten to the point where I don’t even know if I’ll log in again before 1.3 and if I do, maybe to just find a HM Karagga group that wouldn’t mind just doing Fabricator and Karagga.

but I just feel like I’m done. like there’s nothing else I can do. I feel empty and like a failure and just the biggest pile of useless crud out of all the level 50’s on the entire game.

Undecisive and Sick of Gargath

Jun23

The subject pretty much says it all, but I suppose I should go into detail as I’m writing in the first place and it’d be silly to end there.

So, we shall go in reverse order this time as the latter of the subject is shorter:
We’ve fought him twice now today and still no pet drop. I’m getting more nervous each time. We may try again this evening, but it’ll probably conflict with raid time unless we move really fast. We only have Karagga and Fabricator left on KP Story Mode so maybe we can do that, take a quick break to go get Gargath, and then start HM? …I don’t know if they’ll go for that though and I’d feel bad asking.

Moving on to the first part of the subject:
I’m not sure what to do at the moment in SWTOR. Not because I’m bored–heck, I wish, but because I’m so stressed out, I can’t figure out what would be the best thing to do considering 1.3 is about 3 days away.

My previous goals/what I will do and how are most likely not going to happen, especially as Gargath continues to suck. I thought of maybe doing Lost Island HM, but I am too shy to try and ask–not to mention nervous to do the FP with complete strangers. Not because I doubt them, but because I doubt myself and if I feel they are thinking how horrible I am, I’ll start doing worse. This is also why I don’t do many Pick-up group Operations either.

Speaking of Pick-up operations though, I figure if we do not do KP this weekend, I am hoping maybe I can find a group Monday to do both. Considering these are essentially the only two attempts we have before 1.3, I do not want to waste them.

Besides that, it doesn’t look like I’ll even get close to 2.5 million, heck, let alone maybe even 1 million… At the very least, I may just barely hit the 600K I’d need for all 19 Augment Slots. Too bad I still don’t have the armoring and mod I need to go with it :/

*stressing like crazy* and it’s making it really hard to concentrate.

A Cheerful Message

Jun23

So, I logged back in this morning (and my sleeping seems to be fixed so yay) and Gargath is still here! Woo 😀 …unfortunately, nobody else is really online yet 🙁 So I’m just following him around right now. I could probably PVP or something while I wait, but since he’s up, anyone could take him and I need to keep an eye out.

However, I noticed I had 2 mail notifications. I had one last night and was going to check after defeating Gargath, but…we didn’t so that didn’t really happen. Thus, I just logged off. So, this morning I decided while watching Gargath, I’d pause real quick and run to the speeder point to check my mail (This is why I want that Mailbox Droid in 1.3 for the record–that notification drives me crazy with curiousity) as I figured they were GTN sales stuff. Well, one was, however the other was from this nice person I helped onto the Sandcrawler last night:

(they sent me 20,000 Credits, for those curious T~T Third time ever)

And it was just such a nice surprise to wake up to. Made me feel a lot better (as I’m more than a little stressed between 1.3 being this upcoming Tuesday and collecting stuff).

I will never really understand when people try to charge others to pull them or help them with something. I mean, if you’re busy, just see if you can help later? Why make them pay? Having seen people charge 50K-100K+ just to pull someone or help them with a quest just floors me because it’s something so simple.

Part of why I don’t mind repeating things when helping someone is because it’s usually something I can just quickly run through and help with. While I’m patient (why I can just sit somewhere for hours), I don’t like spending a lot of time doing something I’ve done before. Despite that, I don’t mind running through, Force Quaking some stuff, and helping someone out. I’ve helped two groups do Search and Rescue, I’ve helped pull people to several datacorns, I answer every question that anyone has about pets or something I know. I just like helping.

And how many times have I been given something as a thank you for these things? 3 times ever. And do I mind? No. Because as long as they say Thank you and I see they’re happy, that’s something in itself. So, if you’re on Corellian Run and you ever need help, just ask me and if I can help out, I’ll be there in a heart beat.

1.3 this Tuesday (the 26th)

Jun22

So, I am having a heart attack. And of course, now I don’t even have enough money for the Augment Kits because I went and spent some on the top and bottom of the Consular’s Exalted outfit (and pulling mods out) for my PVP set. I still need the rest, but since the top and bottom are most noticeable, those were my focus.

On top of that, my belt still isn’t ready. I still need the armoring and mod so hopefully not everyone will need anything (As I don’t want to take Rakata gear away from someone who needs it just to take the mod out). Not to mention I really pray the Advanced Resolve Armoring 25 drops as I can’t get it otherwise :/ (Yes, you can pull it from mods, but Armoring is bound to the type of equip and I don’t believe you can remove from the belt even if it drops)

We will be trying 16 man tonight–KP HM and normal! I really hope it goes well. This will be my second time doing 16-man (first time was with Vanquished in Denova, though, we didn’t do much).

Anyway, I’m just…beyond stressed. I still have 4 pets to go! I mean, I don’t expect to get the Wondrous Egg with no confirmation yet, but Taunling, M0-GUL Thrall Droid, and Midnight Rakling? And I will only be able to get 2 tries for M0-GUL Thrall Droid before Tuesday 🙁 I’ve been camping Gargath like crazy–heck, we defeated him twice today with no luck, and we will be trying him again tonight after the raid. Lost Island I guess I’ll have to try to do inbetween those 4 hours, but I’m just SO STRESSED. I do not have anywhere close to the money I wanted to have (about 2-2.5 million to go into 1.3 with), still need ship legacy stuff (6 million), have barely done any PVP (at least I have the commendations I needed ready to go)… darn it. T___T I’m so not looking forward to this. And I really wanted to get my PVP outfit done 🙁 or at least all the parts (as I’d wait to remove the mods until after 1.3) but that’s still 300K :/

Though, as long as I can at least get about 300K-400K more (a total of 700K-800K) (however, I’d prefer to get to 2.5 million. Or maybe at least 1.5-2 million), I should be okay with Augment Kits and have some money for supplies/crafting and repairs (which I will also need to pay during this raid and thus, thus my credit amount will become even smaller and I am so stressed T__T) which will hopefully help…. for now, I better go back to slicing :/ I’m going to need those stupid rare things to make that last Augment I need. >< Even if I won't be able to get any of the new Legacy stuff really 🙁 also, if someone asks a question, people shouldn't assume the details and give a snappy/obnoxious response back. I don't know, maybe I just like answering questions, but it always bothers me when people respond so annoyed. :/ I mean, seriously. (and maybe now I feel pretty down/depressed so thanks for the mood killer)

Credits and things

Jun22

For those people who are for some reason reading this, the downtime was due to my domain hosting server whatever the terms really are doing a hardware upgrade to the server my site happens to be on. There’s…really not much else to say about it.

Anyway, I recently hit 1 million credits. It has been a long time since I’ve had that amount and I probably still wouldn’t if it wasn’t for the fact that I was told I could buy the Tionese Sentinel off-hand (Mercy) for all those ridiculous piles of Tionese Crystals and Tionese Commendations I happened to have. Each one sells for about 13K and I had a ridiculous amount of them so yeah 😛

I’m not really sure what to do with the money yet. I don’t want to just spend it (I feel saving would be better right now), but it’d be nice to get some stuff out of the way too. If I had to pick what I’d like to do, it’d probably be getting, at the very least, the Legacy Top and Bottom I want and putting the PVP mods in them so I can stop feeling like I look like a hobo. Of course, even just the top and bottom are 400K and removing mods would be about 200K more. Not to mention mods will be much cheaper to remove in 1.3 so it seems better to wait for now.

Besides that, anything else I’d really like to buy is much more expensive or not available until 1.3 (Like the almost 500K 600K (They increased the price to 30K per highest Augment kit) I’d need for Augment Kits…not to mention to do slicing missions). Only other thing I may be close to affording is the Twi’lek Race for my Smuggler. I would prefer to play the Smuggler over the Agent when I finish my Sorcerer–not because I prefer one over the other, but I think it’d be better for me to go back and forth than to continously play the same faction. As it is, after Marilea and Amidaia, any further characters will be a lot harder to play due to repetition aka why I can’t do dailies. *continues to try and slice for money*

I’ve calculated the total for everything I’d want (and some credits to feel “safe” money-wise) would be about 16 million total. That sucks. I mean, I know people who have that much (or several million at the least), but it’s still a lot. On the bright side, I can finally make purple augments of Advanced Might 22 and Advanced Resolve 22! Yay! Now if I could just get lucky with the Advanced Neural Augmentor items I need (4 per augment). I also still need to make 2 more for myself to have enough.

Moving on, it turns out I need to try and get my surge back up a bit. Unfortunately, it looks like I don’t have the enhancements I thought I did 🙁 I do have plenty of Columni Commendations, but I’d rather not remove mods right now because they are so pricey x-x Hopefully I won’t have to replace too many of my Crit and Alacrity ones though. Should just try and get to like 72% or so Surge-wise however. Speaking of Enhancements, I still need a Advanced Resolve Mod 25. Have not seen one drop recently (of course), but did find one on the GTN for 750K. Obviously, I didn’t buy it as that was ridiculous. However, when I looked later, it was gone :/ I don’t know if someone bought it or if they removed it, but bleh. I also still need an Advanced Mettle Mod 25A, but that can only be gotten from removing from Rakata Gear and I have not been very lucky to get some at the moment (not that I’d want to take away from someone who needs it of course!).

But yes, overall, I’m stressing, need to save up credits and essentially want to do the following:
1. Stalk and defeat Gargath repeatedly until I have Taunling.
2. Do Lost Island repeatedly until Midnight Rakling drops (Possibly just resetting after robot guy as it seems to drop off Robot or the final boss the most…even if I hate the Robot)
3. Do Karagga twice a week as I can’t do it more than that 🙁
4. While waiting for above, PVP constantly to hit Valor 100.

Yes, that last one is rather strange, isn’t it? Well, since the PVP pets are valor level 70, I can’t help but feel paranoid and just want to hit 100 ASAP.

…however, I’d really like to manage to get out of the hobo robes before I do so.

In a different note, and to end this off, I think this sounds awesome and I’d like the guild I am in to participate, but I’m not really sure how to bring it up. While I don’t care much for Open World PVP (which seems to be the first event), I think the idea of Server Events could be a lot of fun and I hope maybe it’ll be looked into.

…and despite all the people, finding a group for Gargath is really hard. Even bribing gets no responses ._.

Feeling like a jerk

Jun22

So, currently really hating myself. Not that I ever hold myself high in regard to begin with, but I’ve even lower than usual ATM.

We were raiding tonight and I just screwed everything up. Besides some accidental aggroing, I also jokingly went REVENGE when I ended up winning the Eternity Vault HM Speeder (first time I’ve won an operation speeder…and a hard mode speeder in general)…and then just felt really bad. They’ve wanted it for a long time and I somehow wanted it and now I really hate myself and bleh.

About to try Gargath again, but I just feel really upset and like a total jerk.

edit: failure again.

Surprising? No. Heartbreaking? Yes.

Jun20

So, I actually waited up to see when Gargath would spawn. It seems the spawn time is now 4 hours which sucks. And he was apparently killed 20 minutes before we got there. I ended up talking with various Imperial people and the person I had spoken to earlier who had some back said if I still had my group, we could go, but I explained everyone left and I doubt I could get another group together, but appreciated the offer.

And of course, Taunling drops. The Exotic Animal Crate dropped. It dropped -right in front of me- and dear god did that hurt. I wish I could be like “oh, no big deal” and in some ways it isn’t–like I don’t care if now I won’t be first on the server, but to know that it had dropped it and it could’ve been the one we defeated is a horrible feeling. I wouldn’t have to keep camping him–it’d be something down and yet it’s not.

Of course, I don’t think loot is generated when the monster spawns, but the moment it is defeated so I mean, even if we did defeat it, there’s no guarantee right? Unless it is generated when the monster spawns and that would leave me feeling even worse.

Overall though, I think the one word I can find myself feeling is “broken”. I don’t think I can describe it anymore than that. I guess I should try to get some sleep now… regardless, this is going to make every failure hit even harder and hurt worse by the second.

Edit: how it’s gone today:
1st Gargath attempt – no drop
2nd Gargath attempt – it drops. nearly everyone needs. I got an 87. Beaten by 8 points due to a guildmate getting a 95 T__T I guess I’d rather him win than someone random (and the only reason he rolled need is as he saw random people doing so), but being that close and losing sucks 3rd Gargath Attempt – No pet drop. Dropped the Ice Scrabbler Jerky though…but bleh.